Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!
by Ant423
Summary: Here it is folks! The sequel to the hilarious story, Deadly Alliance Mayhem! This time, we'll follow Onaga, Tanya, Baraka and more as they attempt to conquer the realms!
1. Prologue

Baraka walked into the small bedroom and made his way tot he desk where a big computer sat. Baraka turned on his webcam and looked around nervously. Then, he began to play some music:

_"Ma-ia-Hii, Ma-ia-Huu, Ma-ia-Hoo, Ma-ia-Ha-Ha!"_

Baraka lip-synced and danced to the song that played. He then began flailing his arms in the air.

"_Numa Numa iei, Numa Numa Numa iei!_

_Chipul tau si dragostea din tei..."_

Just then Hotaru burst into the room:

"Baraka," he said, "For the last time, stop using my anal lube...What the fuck are you doing?"

"Um," said Baraka, "Um, I can explain..."

A minute later, both Hotaru and Baraka were dancing together in front of the computer.

_"Numa Numa Numa iei!"_

A few days later, their video was posted on _youtube_, and they became and internet phenomenon...

**Ant423 Productions presents:**

**Another fanfiction by: Anthony**

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion**

**MAYHEM!**

**Starring:**

Onaga, Tanya, Baraka, Mileena, Hotaru, Kabal, Kobra, and Kira

_Now, let's move onto the story..._


	2. Chapter 1

Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Mortal Kombat or the _Numa Numa _meme.

**Chapter 1:**

"Woot!" screamed Tanya, "You go girl! Show Mr. Muscles who's boss!"

"Fuck off!" said Hotaru, "Jax is gonna take this one!"

The two villains sat in the main room of the palace, watching Kitana and Jax, who were both ressurected and under Onaga's spell, wrestle each other. Kitana was winning.

"Ha!" said Tanya, "Looks like you're gonna have to fork over 50 bucks, biatch! Better luck next time!"

"Bitch!" said Hotaru, "I demand a rematch! You rigged this one!"

"Fuck you!"

Just then, Onaga burst into the room.

"The hell are you two doing?" he demanded, "I leave you in charge of the palace for 10 fucking minutes and you practically sent this place to hell!"

"Sir," said Tanya, standing up, "Um, we were just um..."

"The next time I catch you fooling around with my servants, I will have you locked up in my dungeons where you'll be forced to watch reruns of _Laguna Beach!_"

"Goddamnit!" said Hotaru, "You can't be serious! That's cruel and inhumane!"

"Enough!" boomed the Dragon King, "You have an important job to do right now!"

"What is it, sir?" asked Hotaru.

"Here's a hundred bucks," Onaga pulled out a few twenties, "Go buy some groceries! And so help you God if you buy the low-fat yogurt!"

Hotaru grabbed the money and ran out of the palace.

"So," said Onaga, "Have you gathered any info on the Kamigodu? I still need to find out how to fuse them together!"

"The amulet?" asked Tanya.

"This piece of shit doesn't say how it works!" said the Dragon King, "I need some real instructions."

"Sir," said the Edenian, "I promise you I will find out what we're supposed to do!"

"You better," said Onaga, "The One Being isn't going to fuse himself..."

* * *

Kabal, Kira and Kobra walked through the thick forest in the middle of Outworld, searching for Havik's hideout in the Mantoon Valley.

"I don't understand," said Kobra, "Who the fuck is this Havik guy and what does he have to do with us?"

"For the last time," began Kabal, "He's the man from Chaosrealm who healed my wounds and convinced me to go kill Mavado. We are seeing him because he has an important favor to ask of us in return for helping me."

"I'm tired and hungry," said Kobra, "And I've got calices on my calices. Can we rest?"

"Dammnit!" snapped Kabal, suddenly stopping, "You are my new Black Dragon recruits. You are supposed to be formidable, powerful warriors, not a bunch of whiny brats! Speaking of which, where the hell is Kira?"

Just then, they heard a scream. Panicking, Kabal and Kobra ran to the top of a large hill where they thought Kira was in danger.

"Kira!" said Kobra.

"What's wrong?" demanded Kabal.

Kira was not in danger at all...Her "scream" was merely a battle cry and she had just finished killing a large snake with her bear hands. (Yes, I mean _"Bear" _hands, not "Bare")

"Jesus Christ," said Kobra.

"See?" said Kabal, "That's the kind of recruit I want working for me!"

"But that's not fair!" said Kobra, "It's not my fault that she's a 'she-man' and I'm just a regular man!"

Kabal sighed and shook his head.

"Fuck this shit," said Kira, lighting up a cigarette, "This Havik guy better have some people for us to kill. I haven't had any real practice in a long, and I'm itching for a good fight."

"Patience," said Kabal, "Our time to strike will be soon."

He then smiled behind his mask.


	3. Chapter 2

**Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!**

**Chapter 2:**

"Dumbass," said the Tarkatan soldier, "The OLD _Battlestar Galactica _is the better one, no doubt about it!"

"I don't think so," said the other soldier, "The new one has better special effects and I find the plot easier to understand."

"Yeah, but _Battlestar_ is a classic. It should never have been remade! And the plot is not easier to follow, you nitwit!"

"Fuck off!"

"You shut up, you dumb shit!"

As the two Tarkata fought, Baraka stood in the background reading a dirty magazine. He occasionally glanced at the two soldiers. For a long time, Baraka had been the leader of Shao Kahn's army. After being nearly killed in a fight with Kung Lao, that job went to Kano. In spite, Baraka joined Quan Chi and Shinnok but that plan failed miserably. Baraka then left Outworld and took some time off. After coming back, he found himself serving the Dragon King. It got boring at times, but the pay was good.

Baraka's job was to lead the Tarkatan army and distract enemies of Onaga while the fusing of Kamigodu was being done. Baraka found himself in the middle of a large forest intercepting an attack from some enemies.

"Fuck you! How dare you insult me!" said the Tarkatan soldier.

"Kiss my ass!" said the other.

The two began physically fighting. Baraka walked over to them and seperated them.

"The fuck is going on here?" demanded Baraka.

"He started it!" said one of the two Tarkata.

"I don't care," said Baraka, "There's no time to be fighting. We have to prepare to combat Onaga's enemies. They're coming after him, we have to be ready to conquer them!"

"Please!" said the other Tarkata, "Who the fuck would be stupid enough to attack the Dragon King?"

"I don't know what the Deadly Alliance did to you guys to soften you up, but we're supposed to be the top fighting force of Outworld! Now, focus guys!"

"Yeah, sure," said the Tarkatan, "Whatever, _Playboy._"

Baraka looked at his magazine and tossed it onto the floor.

"It's an eye warm-up excercise." said Baraka.

At that moment, there was a trumpet sound in the distance. A group of soldiers dressed like retarded Samurai charged through the forest.

"HALT!" shouted Baraka, "Who goes there?"

"We," began the general of that army, "Have come in search of the Dragon King so that we can put an end to his reign of terror!"

"Ha!" laughed Baraka, "You're gonna have to get through us before you do any killing!" Baraka flexed his knuckles.

"You and what army?" asked the general.

Baraka turned around. There was no one there except the two Tarkata that were fighting...And those guys were now playing _Crazy Eights _on the ground.

"FUCK!" snapped Baraka, "WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY? WE HAVE A BATTLE TO GET ON WITH HERE!"

The opposing army pulled out swords and other weapons. In a few minutes, Baraka found himself being chased down the woods by a mob of angry soldiers. Fortunately, Baraka's army showed up just in time and ambushed the opposing soldiers, killing them all.

"Whew," said Baraka, "That was freakin' close. Where the fuck were you guys?"

"Um," said one of the Tarkata, "We hid where you told us to hide, see?" He showed Baraka a map with coordiantes written on it.

"Idiot," said Baraka, "That map is upside down! I was 2 miles away from this spot!"

"Whoops," said the soldier, "My bad..."

Baraka stabbed the guy and began to walk off.

"Come on men," he said, "Let's go to the palace and tell Onaga of our victory. God, I'm getting damn hungry..."

* * *

Mileena sat in the cold, dirty prison in Edenia. She wore an ugly grey shirt and a pair of grey pants that have been torn up. Part of that shirt had been torn off and made into a makeshift veil. Mileena had been thrown into prison by Kitana during Shinnok's invasion nearly seven years ago. The prison was originally beneath the palace, though overcrowding forced the Edenian government to build an entirely new place two years ago.

Mileena despised living in a filthy cell and everyday, she dreamed of one day escaping and getting revenge on Kitana. For now, the half-Tarakata attempted to dig her way out with a spoon. (To no avail, of course...)

"Fuck," snapped Mileena, as she desperately dug the spoon into the stone wall, "I've been here for 2 years now, and a 4 inch hole is all I could do?"

Just then, the spoon broke.

"FUCK!"

"What's the matter," said a voice, "Having trouble?"

Mileena turned around to see Jade standing at the entrance at of the cell.

"The fuck do you want?" demanded Mileena.

"I was just checking up on you. You may be an evil demented and hideous old witch..."

"Thank you," interrupted Mileena.

"But," continued Jade, "You're still sort-of like a half cousin to me and I still have feelings for you..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, feelings of hatred! HA!"

"You bitch! One of these days, you're gonna get what you deserve. You and all your Edenian friends!"

"Oh, by the way! Supper's ready!" Jade pulled a raw steak out of her green thong and tossed it into the cell.

"Fuck off!" said Mileena.

As Jade left, Mileena picked up the steak and gobbled it down in a matter of seconds. When she finished, she burped. She then attempted to dig out again, even though her spoon was damaged.


	4. Chapter 3

**Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!**

**Chapter 3:**

Hotaru stood outside Onaga's palace just standing there, doing guard duties when Baraka suddenly showed up.

"Halt," said Hotaru, "Who goes..."

"Yeah, yeah," said Baraka, "It's me, calm down pretty boy."

"Well," said Hotaru, "If it isn't the smelly little Tarkatan warrior. I assume your mission was a complete failure..."

"Sorry to inform you," said Baraka, "But my mission was a great success. Of course, you being a Seidan, you're too stupid to realize my abilities as a military leader."

"Take that back!"

"Fuck off! It's true! You and your Seidan buddies have been hunting my kind for years like we were some kind of stupid, savage race!"

"You are a stupid, savage race, and if we weren't both working for Onaga, I would take my naginata and shove it up your ass!"

"Whatever happened to preserving order and neutrality?"

"Fuck neutrality, I'm gonna go chaotic on your butt!"

"Oh yeah? Bring it on!"

Just then, Tanya walked outside and stepped between the two.

"Boys," she said, "Listen, I don't care if you guys were enemies in the past, you'll be working together from now on! Got that?"

"Yes, ma'am..." said the two men at once.

"Now," continued Tanya, "I have an important message for the two of you, particularly Baraka...

* * *

Onaga sat on his throne, snoozing. And by throne, I mean his toilet. Just then, the Dragon King heard a noise.

"Huh?' he said, "Who's there?" He looked down at his amulet, which began speaking.

"Onaga," said the amulet, "It is I..."

"Can it be?" asked Onaga, "The One Being?"

"Yes," said the amulet, "I am the One Being, communicating with you through this amulet."

"Shit," said Onaga, "Why kind of long distance charges do you have to pay on an amulet?"

"What?" asked the One Being, "None you fool! Now, listen up! Why haven't you fused the Kamigodu yet?"

"When the Gods split the realms, they created some kind of secret code so that no one can fuse them back. I don't know what it is or where to find it. But I promise you, I'm looking for it!"

"Damn it!" said the One Being, "You better! I can't stand being some stupid soul floating around. I wanna be complete again! I want one perfect realm back together."

"I understand, Sir."

"Now, I must go! Do your job, and for God's sakes, ease up on the burritos! It smells like a pig farm here!" The amulet ceased talking.

"Woah," said Onaga, "That is some strong crack I'm on..."

* * *

"WHAT?" screamed Baraka.

"Geez," said Tanya, "Lower your voice. We don't want to disturb the Dragon King during his afternoon sauna session!"

"I can't calm down!" said Baraka, "My entire 5th platoon is dead! DEAD!"

"As much as I hate the Tarkata and his troops," began Hotaru, "I must admit, this is a great tragedy for us..."

"Fuck yeah!" said Baraka, "How did this happen?"

"Witnesses say they saw a man clad in blue suddenly jump onto the scene and take out the Tarkatan troops one by one," said Tanya, "He was a very stealthy fighter..."

"Who was it?" asked Hotaru.

"This photograph was taken," replied Tanya, holding up a photo.

Baraka and Hotaru stared at the photo for a while.

"Damn it!" snapped Baraka, "I know him...He's Sub-Zero! Grrrr...He's gonna pay for what he did to my troops! He will taste the wrath of a Tarkatan!" Baraka usheathed his elbow blades.

"Easy there, knifey," said Tanya, "I understand that you're desperate to get revenge on your fallen comrades, but you still have an important job to do for Onaga."

"So I'm just gonna sit here and do nothing about it?"

"I'll find this Sub-Zero," said Hotaru, "I have nothing better to do here!"

"You?" said Baraka, "But I thought you hated us Tarkata!"

"I do," began Hotaru, "But Tanya's right...We are allies. And if this Sub-Zero is going around killing Tarkata, then he is just as much an enemy of mine!"

"I don't trust you," snapped Baraka.

"Well," began Tanya, "I could care less. Hotaru, pack up your stuff and get ready to leave tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am," said Hotaru, who then left.

"Damnit, Tanya," snapped Baraka, "I don't think leaving the hunting of Sub-Zero up to Hotaru was a good idea!"

"Why not?" said Tanya, "He's a Seidan guard with over 20 years experience. He knows what he's doing."

"Yeah, I just feel like I should be the one to go out there..."

"I know, but you have a big job to do here. Hey, let me tell you a story:

"Oh, boy..."

"Once upon a time, there was a man who worked on a farm. Everyday he spent countless hours feeding the chickens, milking the cows, and harvesting the vegetables. One night, as he slept after a hard day's work, this farmer decided to write a book about his life, as he thought people would be interested in knowing the hard life of a farmer. The next day, this farmer began writing his book. He made it halfway before he realized that his life was extremely boring and repetitive. And, he did so much work and made little money. People would not be interested in his book. In fact, the farmer himself was not interested. After realizing how dull his life was, he killed himself by shooting his face off with a 12-gauge."

"Um," said Baraka, "What does this story have to do with anything?"

"The point is, you gotta learn to trust others once and a while," replied Tanya.

"Um yeah...Your wisdom is completely fucked up. Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go fire up in the bathroom. See ya."

Baraka walked away, muttering curses to himself.

"Hmmm," said Tanya, "Oh well."

* * *

Kabal, Kira and Kobra found themselves spending the night in a dirty swamp somewhere in the middle of Outworld, as they continued their quest to find Havik. It was late at night, and the trio had set up camp. And what's a camping trip without bonfires and marshmallow-roasting?

"This fucking sucks," said Kira, "I feel like I'm in the girl scouts again!"

She held up a cigarette to the fire, lighting it, and began to smoke.

"You were in the girl scouts?" asked Kobra.

"Yeah," replied Kira, "I got kicked out after I got caught smoking crack. And I beat one of the monitors with a tennis racket."

"Damn girl," said Kobra, "You're feisty! I like that..."

"Err yeah, right," said Kira.

"Aaah," said Kabal, "Isn't this the best? Outdoors on a cool summer night, sitting by the fire, roasting marshmallows, you don't know how lucky you youngsters have it!"

"Is this what being a Black Dragon really is like?" asked Kira, "Because if you pull out a guitar and start going all _Kumbaya _on me, I'm gonna stab someone...Preferrably this guy here." She pointed at Kobra.

"Huh?" asked Kobra, who had just picked out an enormous booger.

"Hell no!" said Kabal, "There will be killing, mayhem, anarchy...The world will be ours! HEY! Where did my hookswords go?"

"Wow," said Kobra, "These things make great marshmallow roasters!"

Kobra held up Kabal's hookswords to the fire. There were marshmallows at the end of the hooks.

"Fuck you," snapped Kabal, "How dare you take my swords without asking!"

Kabal took back his swords.

"Aww," said Kabal, "They're all fucking sticky now!"

"Sorry sir," said Kobra, "But man, they really do work!"

"Do you realize how many people I've killed with those things without washing them?"

Kobra began to feel sick. Kira laughed.

"I think I'm gonna hit the hey now," said Kobra.

"Me too," said Kira, throwing away her cigarette butt.

As the two Black Dragons went into their sleeping bags, Kabal stuck a marshmallow at the end of his hooksword and began to roast it.

"Kobra's right!" said Kabal, "These things really do work!"


	5. Chapter 4

**Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!**

**Author's Note: **Kobra is wearing his 2nd costume (The one with the hoodie) in case you don't get the later reference.

**Chapter 4:**

Mileena sat in her cold damp cell, working on her little diary...

"Day 12890," began Mileena, "Or some shit like that. I am fed up. The food all tastes the same now...Though that may be because I always eat the same thing. And I haven't seen the light of day since...This morning when the prison guards took me out for my daily exercise. But I smell terrible, and I'm going insane here, especially since I'm all alone..."

"Who the fuck are you talking to?" asked Jade, who walked up to the cell door.

Mileena approached the bars.

"For your information, bitch," began Mileena, "I was working on my diary."

"What diary?"

"On the floor, with this crayon I found. Um, yeah, but the janitor cleaned up here recently so it's all gone. But I've decided to just continue anyway!"

"You're fucking insane," said Jade.

"Who's fault do you think this is? HUH? HUH?"

"Yours, you fang-toothed whore! You tried to kill Kitana and take over Edenia!"

"Just leave me alone..."

"Whatever. I just can't wait to see that traitor Tanya in here with you... See ya, _Jaws_!"

As Jade left, Mileena approached the window of her cell and looked outside.

"Oh, Baraka," said Mileena, "How I miss you. You were the sweetest person I knew and you always knew how I felt. Oh, where the hell are you?"

She began to sing:

_"Baraka, my sweet little Tarkie...How your fangs gleam in the bright morning sun,_

_And your blood stained elbow blades make the enemies run._

_And..."_

"HEY!" said a voice from a nearby cell, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH! I'M TRYING TO READ HERE!"

"Yeah," said another voice, "Can't I jerk off in peace?"

"I'm trying to recite my love poetry here!" snapped Mileena, "You guys have no respect for how I feel!"

"Whatever," said another voice, "YOU SUCK!"

Mileena sat in a corner and began cursing under her breath.

* * *

Onaga awoke the next morning in his massive bed. As he got out of bed, he yawned and scratched his ass with his large fingernails. He made his way to the bathroom and washed himself in a shower that wasn't that was waaaay to small.

"Goddamnit," said Onaga, "When I find the guy who designed this bathroom, I'm gonna kill him."

After finishing his shower, Onaga put on his unnecessarily large armour and headed to the kitchen and ate the delicious breakfast prepared by his servants.

"The fuck?" said Onaga, "Hard-boiled eggs again? I wanted _Mini-Wheats_!"

"Sorry sir," said a servant, "We're running low on those!"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." Onaga knew this was gonna be a bad day.

Later that day, Onaga held a meeting in the main room of the palace.

"Alrightie," said the Dragon King, "Is everyone here?"

There was Tanya, Hotaru, and Baraka.

"Damn," said Onaga, "That's it? Anyways, Baraka, tell me of your progress!"

"Great, sir!" announced Baraka, "I've intercepted another two armies last night!"

"Excellent!" boomed Onaga, "Now, what's this business with Sub-Zero?"

"Sir," said Hotaru, I ask your permission to seek him out. He is a terrorist who has committed many heinous crimes against you and I feel it is my duty to find him and preserve the peace and tranquility you hope to bring to this land!"

"I love your enthusiasm!" said Onaga, "Baraka, why don't you be more like this guy?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Baraka, "I do more work than this bozo here!"

Hotaru then stuck his tongue out at Baraka.

"Oh, that does it! I'm gonna give you a beating and a half!" Baraka cracked his knuckles.

"ENOUGH!" shouted Onaga, "I've had enough of your bickering!"

Tanya then snickered.

"The hell are you laughing at?" demanded Onaga, "You still haven't found the code that will help fuse the Kamidogu!"

"Sir, I'm trying..." said Tanya, lowering her head, "It's really fucking hard."

"Up until now, you have made a great team member," said Onaga, "But recently, you've failed to accomplish anything I asked you to do! I'm doubting your abilities as a leader..."

"But sir!"

"If you don't shape up, I'm gonna have you fired! And when I say fired, I mean burned alive! That goes for all of you, understand?"

"Yessir!" said everyone.

"Dismissed," said Onaga.

Everyone left the room.

"Hey," said Baraka to Tanya, "You look shaky, what's wrong?"

"Hello!" said Tanya, "I just received a death threat! What am I gonna do?"

"Don't worry," said Baraka, "We'll find the answer soon enough. I'm busy now, but later I'll take you to Outworld tavern where I'll buy you some drinks and we'll relax..."

"Thanks, I guess."

* * *

Kabal, Kira and Kobra continued their trek across Outworld. They began climbing a bunch of mountains.

"Now," said Kabal, "Watch out, because there are many dangerous creatures here. If we're not careful, we could get eaten!"

"I'm not afraid of no creatures," said Kira, "Come on, bring it on ya bastards!"

"Ha!" said Kobra, "I'm not scared either!"

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Kabal "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"

"EEEK!" said Kobra in a very girly voice.

A monstrous bear-like creature emerged from a cave and approached Kobra.

"Hold still," said Kabal, if you don't bother it, it won't harm you!"

"It's sniffing me!" said Kobra, shaking.

"Oh God!" said Kira, "He's wet his pants!"

"Get in the foetal position!" ordered Kabal.

Kobra did what he was told. Just then, the creature picked Kobra up by the hood and began swinging him around violently.

"WOOOOOAAH!" shouted Kobra, "I think I'm gonna be sick!"

The creature then started slamming Kobra into the floor.

"Fuck, man!" said Kobra, "I can't take this anymore!"

"That's it!" said Kabal, "We're going hunting!"

"It's about fucking time!" said Kira.

Kabal dug in his travelling sack and searched for a shotgun while Kira pulled out her dragon teeth and charged the beast.

"AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIA!" shouted Kira, as she jumped onto the back of the creature and drove her knives into its back.

As the creature howled in pain and dropped Kobra, Kabal nomad-dashed up to it with a shotgun in hand. He quickly shot it in the face, killing it.

"Wooo!" cheered Kabal, "Another job well done! Great work, Kira!"

"Don't mention it, dude," said Kira, lighting a cigarette.

"Are you okay?" Kabal asked Kobra.

Kobra, who was lying on the floor, his shirt torn up, covered in blood, drool, and bruises looked up at Kabal.

"Yeah," he said, "I'm fine..."

Kobra then passed out.

"Fuck," said Kabal, "I'm not carrying him. Not good for my weak heart! Looks like we'll be setting up camp here."

"Whatever," said Kira, "What will we eat?"

"Hmmm," said Kabal, staring at the dead monster that lay a few feet away from him.

* * *

Tanya sat on the small stool pouting and thinking about what Onaga said. Baraka, who was drunk, was spinning around on the stool next to her.

"Daaaamn," said Baraka, "I think I'm gonna puke!"

Baraka barfed in his empty beer glass and placed it onto the table.

"Whatsamatter?" asked Baraka, "Why you lookin' so glum?"

"Because," began Tanya, "I'm a failure at serving the Dragon King. I thought that this was a great opportunity for me."

"It is," said Baraka.

"I never even wanted to join in the first place...All I really want to do is return to my realm, Edenia. How did I get into this in the first place?..."

**-Flashback-**

Tanya drove down the long desert road searching for Shang Tsung's palace. She had just received his call, and now she had to see the Deadly Alliance to receive further objections. The only problem was that the palace wasn't there...

"Where the hell..." began Tanya, "Oh my!"

Tanya stopped the car and stepped out. In the very location where the palace once stood, was a pile of rubble. Tanya approached the rubble and began searching through it.

"What is all this?" asked Tanya, "Damn it Shang! You better not have given me the wrong directions!"

Tanya walked down the rubble pile some more. Everything was completely destroyed. The pillars, the golden staircase, the beautiful front gate, and even the large platform where the Soulnado stood were all gone. Surprisingly, the air hockey table remained intact. Tanya began digging through the rubble. As she lifted up a giant rock, she saw the staring face of a dead mummified soldier.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Tanya.

Tanya ran away from the palace and headed back into her car. She drove as far away from the palace as she could. She then suddenly hit the brakes.

"Wait," thought Tanya, "If the Deadly Alliance are dead, that means I have no more masters. I could do whatever the hell I want! Yes..."

Tanya had long desired to return to Edenia, even though she was banned there for allowing Quan Chi and Shinnok in, and then betraying Liu Kang. Tanya missed the natural beauty and low, low sales tax. Tanya made up her mind: She was going to find a way to get back into Edenia at all costs, even if it meant murdering that heartless bitch, Jade. Just then, Tanya saw someone in the distance. Believing him to be lost, she approached him.

"Um," began Tanya, "Hi there. Are you lost?"

The man turned around and pointed his elbow blade at her. It was Baraka, who Tanya had worked with during Shinnok's invasion of Edenia.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"N-Nothing," replied Tanya, "D-did't we work together once?"

"I am Baraka," said Baraka, "Servant of Onaga! If you oppose him, then you will die!"

"Who?"

"Goddamnit!" said Baraka, "Have you been living under a rock or what?"

"I've been busy travelling the realms, enforcing the will of the Deadly Alliance!

"Ha! The Deadly Alliance has been dead for a month now. Yup! Destroyed by Onaga, the now-resurrected Dragon King!"

"Say what?"

"Hey," said Baraka, "Why don't you join Onaga? I'm sure you would make a great servant!"

"I don't know..."

"Either that, or you die."

"SOLD!"

The two shook hands.

"Now," said Baraka, "Before you begin, take these."

Baraka handed her two small contact lenses.

"What are these?" asked Tanya.

"These," said Baraka, "Will make your eyes all white, so that you look evil."

"Sweet," said Tanya, putting them on.

Her eyes suddenly turned white. Tanya and Baraka then did an evil laugh together.

**-End Flashback-**

Tanya sighed again.

"Hey," said a random man, "Can I have this glass of _Bailey's_?"

"Sure, whatever," replied Tanya.

The man chugged the glass, not realizing it was full of Baraka's puke.

"Spicy," said the man, "Hey, can I interest you in some brochures?"

"Of what?" asked Tanya.

"I'm a travelling agent," said the man, "How would you like a nice vacation in Seido, or maybe in the beautiful Edenia?"

"I'd like that," said Tanya.

"Oh," said the man, "I don't feel good...Be right back!"

He ran to the bathroom and to began barfing due to his 'drink'. Tanya looked at the ground and saw the man had dropped is brochures. Tanya picked the Edenian brochure up and began flipping through it. Amongst the images, was a picture of Queen Sindel's palace. Just then, it hit her...

"That's it!" said the Edenian.

"What?" asked Baraka, who was lying drunk on the floor.

"I found the ancient texts!"


	6. Chapter 5

**Mortal Kombat: Deception Mayhem!**

**Chapter 5:**

Hotaru stood at the edge of the large cliff and stared at the horizon. Behind him, were two fellow Seidan guards named Zeke and Paul who were assisting Hotaru during his travels and carrying all his luggage.

"Aaaah..." began Hotaru, "Smell that fresh mountain air!"

"Smells like shoe shine and cat poop," said Zeke.

"Sorry," said Paul, "That was me..."

"Why the hell are we looking for this Sub-Zero guy anyways?" asked Zeke.

"Because," began Hotaru, "He is a threat the peace and order promised by the Dragon King. How many times must I tell you?"

"Sheesh," said Paul, "Can't we just put up some fliers or something. You know, like _Wanted: Dead or Alive_?"

"Sweet," said Zeke.

"No," said Hotaru, "It's my duty to find this guy and prosecute him personally. Though I'll need your help, because maps are like Chinese to me."

"Awwww..." said the two guardsmen.

"Look," said Hotaru, "Be glad you're here with me on this grand adventure instead of back at the palace doing boring guard duties."

"Yeah," said Zeke, "But during guard duties I had more time to..."

"To what?"

"Um, nevermind. Let's just go."

The three men put on their helmets and climbed down the cliff and made their way through the large valley.

"Damn," said Hotaru, "I forgot my chapstick..."

* * *

Back at the palace, in the rec room, Onaga and Johnny Cage (Still under Onaga's spell, by the way) were playing an exciting game of chess.

"Pawn to E-4" said Johnny, in a very emotionless voice.

"Damn it," said Onaga, moving a rook across the board, "You don't need to tell me your next move. Just do it!"

"Knight to F-7" said Johnny.

"Damn it Johnny!" snapped Onaga.

"Queen to D-1" continued Johnny.

"Hey! It's my turn!"

"King to D-3"

"You can't do that! Kings only move one space!" Onaga stood up, "Bah! You're hopeless. I'm outta here!

"Yahtzee!" said Johnny, after moving another piece.

The Dragon King, was about to leave the room when Tanya suddenly burst in, almost striking Onaga in the face with the door.

"The Hell's going on here?" demanded Onaga.

"Sir," said Tanya, "You won't believe what I found!"

"This better be imprtant," said Onaga, "I was about to take a hot bath!"

"Here," said Tanya, holding up the brochure.

"What's this? You wanna take a vacation?"

"No, sir! It's Edenia! I believe that's where the ancient texts are located."

"You mean the spell that will allow me to fuse the Kamigodu? Are you sure?"

Tanya nodded.

"YES!" shouted Onaga, "This is it! HA HA!"

Onaga jumped up and down. As he did so, the palace shook a bit.

"Baraka is on a mission right now," said Onaga, "When he returns, tell him to round his troops. We'll be invading Edenia..."

"Alrightie," said Tanya.

"And when the invasion is complete, you will get your just reward!"

A big smile came across Tanya's face.

"Damn it, Johnny," yelled Onaga, "Stop eating my chess pieces!"

* * *

Baraka stood on the large plateau staring at the large field below him through a pair of binoculars. In the distance, he saw a group of armored soldiers coming his way.

"Yes," said Baraka, "Like flies to a bug zapper..."

"Or," said another Tarkata, "Like you to sponge cake!"

"Shut the fuck up," said Baraka, taking a bite out of a sponge cake.

The soldiers got closer to the plateau.

"All right," said Baraka, "Let's go! Swarm! Swarm! Attack!"

The Tarkata then charged down the large hill and ran up to the oncoming soldiers. Baraka leapt into the air and slashed down a big soldier. Two more Tarkata near Baraka impaled two soldiers wielding staves.

More Tarkata continued to arrive and massacred the soldiers. However, Baraka found himself surrounded.

"Shit!" he said, "How did I let this happen?"

After stabbing a man with his elbow blade, he held him up and used him as a human shield against a swarm of oncoming spears and swords. Baraka then tossed the body and jumped up into the air. Baraka ran through the floor, slashing off people's shins. When he stood up, he saw a group of men ready to fire crossbows.

"Jesus Christ!" said Baraka, who then ducked.

The men fired their arrows, which missed Baraka and struck random Tarkata in the background. However, when Baraka stood up, he found an arrow strike him straight in the chest. However, Baraka was not affected.

"You," said Baraka, pointing at the man who shot him, "You're going down fucker!"

Baraka then lunged at the man and sliced him in two. Within minutes, the opposing army began their retreat, but not before Baraka was able to pin down their leader with an elbow blade through the shoulder.

"Sir," said a random Tarkata, "You've been shot!"

"It's alright," said Baraka, "I had a sponge cake in my front pocket. So, who wants to make fun of me now?"

No one said anything.

"Hmmm..." said Baraka, "Thought so. Now, what do you want? Who sent you?"

"I'm never saying anything," said the man Baraka held down.

"Fuck," said Baraka pulling the arrow out of his chest (And licking the sponge cake crumbs of the tip) "I don't have time for this bullcrap! Tell me!"

Baraka shoved his elbow blade deeper into the man's shoulder.

"OW!" shouted the man, "Alright...We've been sent by Master Bo'Rai Cho. We are here to slay the Dragon King and end his reign over Outworld."

"Bastard," said Baraka, "Did you really think you were gonna get away with this?"

"Honestly, I didn't. But my master is back at the base, preparing more attacks on you Tarkata. You'll soon see how powerful his army is! You'll never win!"

Baraka then killed the man.

"Excellent. Does anyone here know who this Borrachio is?" asked Baraka.

"I do," said a Tarkata, raising his hand, "I fought him and his allies back when the Deadly Alliance was in power."

"Oh?"

"Yes, but he somehow survived while the rest of his allies were killed and made into slaves of the Dragon King."

"Well then," said Baraka, "We must make our way back to the palace and warn Onaga of this threat. Bo Cho Rai or whatever the hell his name is sounds like he might be a problem to our plan."

The soldiers nodded and followed Baraka back to the palace.

* * *

Onaga stood in the bathroom staring at his amulet.

"Yes," said Onaga, "Did you hear? I found the location of the secret texts!"

"Um," said the One Being, "I'm over here now..."

Onaga turned his attention to the toilet.

"One Being," said Onaga, "Is that you? How come your not using my amulet again?"

"Geez," said the One Being, "I like a little variety."

"Yeah, but a toilet..."

"Shut up! Now, I heard what you said, and I'm very happy, but I must warn you: Decoding these texts are a hassle. Even once you find them, you'll need to use a series of complex mathematical problems and logical thinking to translate the texts."

"Oh, God!" said Onaga, "It'll be like my College finals all over again!"

"You didn't do very good?" asked the O.B.

"Not really, but I was able to threaten the professor into passing me anyways, HA!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great and all, but remember, you have to watch yourself. You have many enemies and if you can't stop them from attacking you, you'll never be able to decode those don't want that, do you?"

"No, sir! Don't worry, I have some great allies working with me. Once I find the texts, it'll be no problem."

"You may ahve great allies, but if you want the problem done, the only person to trust is yourself..."

"What do you mean?"

There was no answer.

"Hello? One Being?..."

Still no answer.

"No, wait! I still have more questions!"

Onaga then ran up to the toilet and shoved his head into it and began screaming. Just then, Tanya entered the room.

"Sir," she said, "Can I borrow some of your towels?..."

Onaga pulled his head out of the toilet and stared at Tanya.

"Eep," said Tanya, slowly closing the door, "Awkward..."

Onaga wiped his wet face and left the room.


	7. Chapter 6

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 6:**

After days of trekking through the harsh envirronment, the Black Dragon eventually found some civilization in the form of an inn. A _Holiday Inn _to be precise.

"Yes," said Kabal, "Finally, a decent place to sleep."

"Tell me about it," said Kobra, "For the past few days, I kept having scorpions crawling up my ass while I slept!"

"Idiot," said Kira, "Learn to zip up your sleeping bag!"

The three headed inside the inn. To their surprise, the main lobby was a tavern as well. They headed to the front desk/the bar.

"Um," said Kabal, "We'd like a room please, preferrably with plumbing. Oh! And a couple of Shokan Schnapps!"

"Name, please?" said the man, pulling out a book and a pencil.

"Kabal," replied Kabal.

"Kabal?" asked the clerk, "What is that, like Middle-Eastern?"

"Actually," began Kabal, "I'm half British, half Polish, half-French, and 1/4 Native American. However, my uncle in law was born in Turkey, so yeah, I guess I am Middle-Eastern."

"Alright," said the clerk, "Don't get smart, buster."

As the clerk scribbled in his book, a man sitting on a nearby table slapped Kira on the ass.

"Hey, sweetcheeks," said the man, "How you doin'?"

Kira then turned around and grabbed the man's hand. With one quick movement, Kira twisted the man's arm so that the bone popped out of his skin. He screamed and fell to the floor.

"The Hell's yer problem?" demanded the other man sitting at that table.

"Listen," said Kabal, "I apologize for my friend here, she's a little cranky from travelling."

"Where ya from?" asked the man.

"Earthrealm," replied Kabal, "Why?"

"Figures," said the man, "The Loser Realm. You guys are all a bunch of no good dirty bastards..."

"Grrrr..." said Kabal.

"Hey tough guy," said Kira, "If you think you're so tough, then stop sweet talking and show me what you've got!"

"That's it!" said the man, standing up, "Yer goin' down!"

He ran up to Kira and tried to punch her, but she caught his hand and delivered a punch to his crotch. The impact created a noise that could be heard throughout the whole bar. As the man fell to the floor, another man charged the Black Dragon. Kabal kicked him in the chest and knocked him down.

Another two men approached Kobra. He threw himself onto a table to dodge their attacks and kicked both of them to the floor. Kobra jumped up into the air and landed onto one man's face, crushing it into a mess of bloody gore. The other man stood up and ran to the pool table. he grabbed the pool stick and swung it around striking Kobra in the back, then again in the arm.

"YEOWCH!" said Kobra, "That stings!"

Meanwhile, Kira pulled out her dragon teeth and threw them across the room, killing two people. She then went to fight off another man. Kabal, who had just killed one man, pulled out his hookswords and used them to kill another oncoming man.

Kobra was still trying to dodge the pool stick man. He jumped onto a table, then grabbed the ceiling light and swung around. With his feet, Kobra yanked the pool stick out of his hands and kicked him in the face before the light broke off and Kobra fell to the floor. As Kobra and the man stood up, Kabal picked up the fallen pool stick and used to impale the man with the broken arm.

The man ran up to Kobra and punched him a few times, but Kobra blocked each blow. Suddenly, Kobra raised his hand up into the air.

"Taste pressure point strike, bucko!" said Kobra.

He then thrust his hand into the man's chest.

"The fuck?" said the man, "That didn't hurt one bit..."

The man immediately began puking large amounts of blood before dying. Kobra blew on his hand as if it was a smoking gun.

A man suddenly jumped onto Kira's back.

"Kira!" said Kabal and Kobra.

But she quickly managed to pull him off. She grabbed him by the hair and slammed his head into the table repeatedly until his head burst. After the brutal brawl, the Black Dragon members looked around at all the destroyed bar tables and bloody bodies that covered the floor. The hotel clerk was shivering with fear behind his desk.

"Um," he said, "If y-y-you w-want, I c-c-can g-g-g-give you your r-room for free..."

"Ah," said Kabal, "How nice of you!"

* * *

Hotaru, Zeke, and Paul eventually found themselves at the entrance of a cave inside a large volcano. It was extremely hot and there were lava pits all over the place.

"Well," said Hotaru, "Here we are..."

"We have to go through there?" asked Zeke.

"Why not?" said Hotaru, "It's a shortcut!"

"Yeah," continued Zeke, "But it's hot...And the lava is scary!"

"When lava is still inside the volcano, it's called magma, dumbass," said Paul.

"Let's just go!" said Hotaru.

The three men attempted to enter the cave, but the entrance was very low, and Hotaru had forgotten about the large flags on his back. He soon found himself on the floor.

"Um," said Hotaru, "A little help here..."

The two Seidan guards helped Hotaru stand up. Afterwards, they made their way inside the cave. It was boiling hot and there was steam shooting out of the small cracks in the floor. It was so hot that the Seidans removed their helmets.

"Alright," said Hotaru, "Just be careful."

"OW!" screamed Zeke.

"Idiot," said Hotaru, "The walls are hot!"

"I know," said Zeke, sucking on his finger, Paul and I were just playing truth or dare!"

"Just hurry up!"

The three men continued to make their way through the cave. Hotaru was up ahead, and Paul and Zeke were talking to each other:

"Betcha can't step on the cracks," said Paul.

"Wanna see?" said Zeke.

Zeke took a whole bunch of large steps and avoided every single crack on the ground. Paul then did the same.

"Aw," said Zeke, "My legs hurt! Fuck this shit!"

Zeke then stomped onto one of the cracks. The cave began to shake.

"The fuck did you guys do?" shouted Hotaru.

The two men shrugged their shoulders. Just then, the floor began to tear apart, exposing the lava, or magma, underneath. The men ran desperately across the cracking floor to avoid falling into the lava pool. Hotaru and Zeke found themselves on solid ground. They were safe. Paul, however, was stuck on a tiny platform in the middle of the lava.

"Um, guys," began Paul, "HELP!"

"Eep!" said Hotaru, "Listen, don't panic! We'll help you!"

"Guys," said Paul, "I'm fucking scared! And it's hot! DO SOMETHING!"

"You're gonna have to jump," said Hotaru, "Make your way to where we're standing from there..."

"But I'm too scared!"

"You can do it," said Zeke, "Believe in yourself!"

"We believe in you, Paul!" said Hotaru.

Paul took a deep breath. He backed up a few centimetres and ran straight ahead. Within seconds, Paul found himself flying through the air.

"I'm king of the world!" said Paul.

"IDIOT!" said Hotaru, "We didn't mean jump from there...We meant jump across those small rocks in the lava!"

Paul looked down and saw the rocks Hotaru was talking about.

"Son of a..." Just inches away from Hotaru and Zeke, Paul plummeted into the lava and burned alive.

Hotaru and Zeke ran outside the cave.

"We're just gonna leave him there?" asked Zeke.

"There's nothing we can do," replied Hotaru, "Now, let's have a moment of silence for our fallen friend."

"Good idea," said Zeke, "But first I'm hungry. Got something to eat?"

"I don't have the snacks," replied Hotaru, "I think Paul..."

The two men stared at each other for a while.

"PAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUULLLLL! DAMN YOU!"

* * *

Onaga stood on a large platform. Tanya stood next to him. The audience consisted of hundreds of Seidan troops and hundreds of Tarkatan troops.

"Listen up, gentlemen," announced Onaga, "Today, we begin our attack on the realm of Edenia. As you can see behind you, I have succeeded in opening the portal. It was no easy task, as I only managed to find the French instructions. Now, this is gonna be no walk in the park. Edenia may be a peaceful realm, but their soldiers are experienced and skilled fighters. Some of you may die, but will be in the honour of the Dragon King!"

Everyone clapped.

"Now," continued Onaga, "Before we set off on our perilous journey, does anyone have any questions?"

"Uggghh," said Baraka, "Mommy, do I have to go to school today?"

"BARAKA WAKE UP!"

"Huh?" asked Baraka, waking up, "Sorry, just resting my eyes..."

Onaga shook his head.

"Let's just get this bullshit over with..."


	8. Chapter 7

Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!

**Chapter 7:**

The Edenian guard stood outside the entrance to Edenia picking his nose and looking around. Just then, he heard a noise.

"Who's there?" he demanded.

"Just me," said another guard, "Your shift is done."

"Oh, right," said the first guard, "Lost track of..."

Just then, two arrows flew out of nowhere and struck the two guards. Baraka jumped onto the scene.

"WOOT!" he screamed, "This is gonna be easy!"

* * *

Mileena sat in the cold dirty cell as usual working on more of her "Love poetry."

"Supper time," said Jade, who approached the cell and pulled a steak out of the usual place.

"Can't you at least give me some steak spice?" asked Mileena, "You know, I may be a savage half-Tarkata, but that doesn't mean I don't like a little flavour on my food!"

"Fuck you," said Jade, "This place is already over-funded, and now I have to worry about buying you spice! HA!"

Mileena ate the steak while flipping the bird to Jade. Just then, an alarm sounded.

"The fuck is going on?" demanded Mileena.

"This city is under attack!" said Jade, "I gotta go!"

Jade ran out of the prison. Several other guards also left the building in a big hurry. Mileena looked outside her cell window.

"What's going on?" she wondered.

Baraka and his troops ran through the large city massacreing any soldier who stood in their way. A group of Edenians standing on a watchtower got together and fired a bunch of arrows. Baraka and his men shielded their heads with their elbow blades.

"Kill them," ordered Baraka.

Several Tarkata ran up the watchtower and killed the Edenians there. Baraka continued to make his way through the city. On the other side, were the Seidans, who were in the middle of a battle with several Edenian troops. While the Seidans were not as skilled as the Tarkata, they were better equipped, wearing thick armor and protective helmets. The Edenians fought well, but the Seidans quickly mowed them down and made their way further into the city.

"Alright," said Tanya, "The palace is where the texts are located. It's just over that hill."

"Excellent," said Onaga, "Now, we must find a way in."

As the soldiers approached, a bunch of Edenian troops set up large catapults. Jade was at the front.

"YOU!" said Tanya.

"Tanya," said Jade, "It wasn't enough for you to betray our realm once? We are gonna take you down."

"Ha!" laughed Tanya, "You're pathetic. You'll never succeed in taking me down! Now, surrender to the Dragon King!"

"Never!" said Jade, "Ready men? FIRE!"

The men loaded the catapult and fired. Though for some reason, it fired sideways.

"Idiots!" shouted Jade.

Onaga's men advanced on the Edenians and began killing them all one by one. Jade retreated to the castle.

"Listen up," said Onaga, "Seidans head straight to the castle! The Tarkata will head right and try to find another way in!"

The soldiers did as they were told. Baraka, however, headed elsewhere...

* * *

Meanwhile, the rock flew across town, straight towards the prison where Mileena was. Mileena, who was sitting quietly in her cell, stood up and looked out the window.

"EEEEEK!"

Mileena threw herself to the floor. The rock blew up the wall of the cell.

"I don't believe this..." said Mileena, "I'm free! I'm free!"

Mileena ran out through the hole in the wall. Not realizing she was twenty stories up, Mileena plummeted to her death.

Nah, just kidding. She landed in a thick bush and survived.

"Ew," said Mileena, "Bugs!"

She rubbed the bugs off her body and began to run down the street, passing through the chaos that had taken over the city. Edenian troops were clashing with Seidans and Tarkata, and things were blowing up everywhere.

"The hell's happening here?" said Mileena.

* * *

Tanya and several Tarkata found themselves st the side of the castle.

"Alright," said Tanya, "Fire the grappling hooks!"

The Tarkata fired several grappling hooks and they all began climbing up. Just then, on the balcony above, a bunch of Edenian guards showed up with large pots.

"We will never let you in!" said an Edenian, "Ready, men?"

The men tipped over the large pots. Instead of boiling oil, Queen Sindel's dirty laundry poured out all over Tanya and the Tarkata. They all fell to the floor, covered in dirty unitards and thongs.

"Oh!" shouted Tanya, "The horror!"

* * *

Mileena ran through the city searching for a way out of the madness. Just then, an Edenian soldier knocked her down. Using his spear, he slowly lifted her veil.

"Look at her mouth," said the man, "She's one of them!"

"Yes," agreed his partner.

"Huh?" said Mileena, "No! Please no!"

The man was just about to impale Mileena, when a blade suddenly came through his mouth. As the man fell to the floor, dead, Mileena saw Baraka standing behind him.

"Hey!" snapped the other Edenian, You killed my..."

Baraka chopped the man's head off.

"Oh my God!" said Mileena, "Baraka, is that really you?"

"Yes," replied Baraka, "I sensed you were nearby and came looking..."

Mileena hugged Baraka. "Oh my God! I missed you so much! I spent so many years alone in that dirty cell and you were all I though of! Here, wanna see my poetry?"

"That's very nice," said Baraka, "But unfortunately we were in the middle of something."

"What?"

"No time to explain," said Baraka, "Come with me!"

Baraka grabbed Mileena by the arm and directed her to the location of Queen Sindel's palace. The two hid behind the front gate and watched as Onaga and several Seidan soldiers attempted to break the door open with a battering ram.

"The Royal Palace?" asked Mileena, "What could you guys possibly want here?"

"The ancient texts," said Baraka, "The Dragon King wants to fuse the Kamigodu...It's a long story."

"The Dragon King?" said Mileena, "I've heard Shao Kahn mention him...He's back?"

"They're never gonna get in that way..." said Baraka, ignoring Mileena.

Baraka pulled out a sponge cake and took a big bite.

"What's that?" asked Mileena.

"I need some energy," replied Baraka, "And you do too...We're going climbing!"

Just then, an Edenian guard showed up.

"You!" said guard, "You're gonna get it!"

Baraka jumped up into the air and tried to slash him down, but he simply whacked Baraka across the head with his staff. Mileena slowly walked up to him.

"Are you okay ma'am?" asked the guard.

"I am," replied Mileena, "But will you be okay?"

Before the guard could do anything, Mileena ripped the veil off her mouth, exposing her horrifying teeth. She leapt into the air and tore the man's head off with her teeth. Baraka then got up.

"Nice going, girl," said Baraka, "You're gonna have to teach me that!"

"So are we climbing this wall or not?" said Mileena.

* * *

"We're never gonna get in this way," admitted Onaga, "Come on men, we have to use our heads!"

"Yessir!" replied the Seidans.

A couple of Seidan guards charged head-first into the door. Within seconds, the door was covered in blood, and the Seidans were lying dead on the floor. Onaga slapped his forehead.

Onaga and the Seidan guards did eventually manage to break down the door, but as soon as they entered, they were greeted by Queen Sindel, and a swarm of Edenian troops.

"Leave my palace!" ordered the Queen, "Or you will pay!"

"Sez you," said Onaga, "Go soldiers, find the texts. I'll deal with this ho!"

The Seidan troops ran ahead and fought off the Edenian troops. Onaga then stood in the middle of the room as Sindel approached him.

"This is gonna be easy," muttered Onaga.

Queen Sindel flew into Onaga. The impact took Onaga by surprise and he found himself flying into the wall at the other end of the room.

"Alright," said Onaga, "I was just testing you...And you passed. Now, I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Just then, the _Mortal Kombat _movie theme music began to play as Sindel and Onaga readied themselves for another attack. The combatants charged into one another and they both flew up into the air performing _Matrix_-style moves to each other. After a few minutes of fighting viciously in mid-air, Onaga managed to strike Sindel across the face, sending her flying into a large table. Onaga hovered to the floor.

"YES!" he shouted, "I am victorious! Score 1 for..."

"Think again!"

Sindel stood up and lifted the broken table with her telekinesis (Or whatever the fuck she has) and hurled it at the Dragon King.

"Now, you gonna pay, sucka!" snapped Onaga.

Onaga fired several fireballs at Sindel, but she bent backwards and dodged them all. (Again, a la _Matrix_) As soon as Sindel stood upright, Onaga ran up to her and delivered a punch to her face. Onaga hovered over her fallen body.

"Yes," he said, "Finally..."

"Ayayayayayayayaya!" screamed Sindel.

She then performed a flare and stood up again.

"Damn it!" yelled Onaga, "I can't take this shit anymore! Just die already!"

"You can't kill me!" said Sindel in an odd high-pitched voice, "I'm Rick James, bitch!"

She then kicked Onaga in the face.

* * *

The Seidan troops continued running down the palace corridors, looking for the ancient texts. They suddenly ran into Jade, who was waiting for them there.

"Hey miss," said the lead Seidan, holding up his naginata, "Get out of our way, or we'll kill you!"

"Go ahead," said Jade, "Make me!"

She then pulled a huge flamethrower out of her thong and strapped it on. Before the Seidans could do anything, Jade unleashed a stream of fire at them, burning them all alive.

"How do you like your Seidan?" asked Jade, "Medium-rare or well done?"

When all the Seidans were dead, Jade threw the flamethrower away and pulled out a machine gun.

"I hear some more unwanted guests in the next room," thought Jade, as she ran down the corridor.

* * *

Baraka and Mileena managed to climb up the wall of the palace without being detected. They found themselves in a large room on the second floor.

"See?" said Baraka, "The Edenian guards were too busy with Tanya and friends to deal with us."

"Whatever," said Mileena, "Let's just find the texts and become heroes."

"Sweet," said Baraka, "Do you have any idea where they are?"

"Um, I think I heard Jade mention they were in the basement."

"Arrgh! Alright let's go!"

Baraka and Mileena ran around the hallways until they found the stairs leading down. During this time, they had the funny feeling they were being followed...

"Here we are," said Mileena.

"Oh my God!" said Baraka.

The room was enormous. The walls were covered with thick brown stone, which had strange markings etched into them.

"What is this writing?" asked Baraka, "Chinese?"

"Shut up," snapped Mileena, "It's the ancient texts! We found them!"

"Alrighty then..." began Baraka, but his sentence was cut off by the arrival of Jade.

"Well, well, well," began Jade, "What do we have here? A smelly Tarkata and his dumb half-monster whore!"

"Get out Jade," said Mileena, "You don't have any iron bars this time to protect you from me ripping you apart!"

"True," replied Jade, "But I have this!" Jade held up her machine gun.

"Shit," said Mileena, "Baraka, run!"

"It's time do die!" announced Jade, in an accent similar to Ahhhnold .

The two ran around the room, dodging the swarm of bullets. Jade simply stood there laughing as Baraka and Mileena ran for their lives. All of a sudden, Tanya entered the room.

"SURPRISE!" Tanya unleashed a Karate chop on Jade's head that knocked her to the floor. Tanya then stepped on the fallen machine gun, crushing it.

"Nice to see you," said Baraka.

"Yeah," said Mileena, "Not a moment too soon.

"My pleasure," replied Tanya, "Hey...I remember you! Aren't you Baraka's girlfriend?"

Before Mileena could answer, the door bust open and Sindel flew right through and crashed head first into the wall, knocking her out.

"Damn," said Onaga, walking into the room, "That bitch wouldn't go down! We fought all over the palace destroying everything, before I finally knocked her out! Hey, who's that? A new member?"

"Um," said Mileena, "Yes. My name is Mileena, and although I once served Shao Kahn, I ask permission to join the Dragon King and his crew."

"Sure, whatever," said Onaga."

The bad guys all cheered.

"This is gonna be sweet!" said Mileena, hugging Baraka, "We get to work together again, just like the good old days!"

"Yes," said Baraka, "Like the good old days..."

"So," said Onaga, "How are we gonna get all these ancient texts back to my palace?"

"Simple," said Tanya, "I'll use my cellphone camera to snap a few pics, then we'll upload them onto your office computer!"

"Damn," said Onaga, "When did I get so behind with all this new technology?"

"When you spent 10 000 years sleeping in a dragon egg?" said Baraka.

"Right," said Onaga, "Let's just take the pictures and go."

At that moment, a bunch of Tarkatan and Seidan troops arrived and tied up Queen Sindel and Jade.

"You'll never get away with this," said Jade, "You guys will all pay! Especially you, Tanya, for your betrayal!"

"Awww," said Tanya, sarcastically, "I'm so scared. HA!"

"You had better be!" said Queen Sindel, "Nobody messes with the Queen of Edenia! Our realm may have been attacked many times, but we'll pull through, just as we always have!"

"Alright," said Onaga, "Enough! Get these two out of here! I'm locking them up in my palace dungeon! In fact, I'll lock up every single Edenian authority figure so that no one in this realm will take us down! And then I'll lock up Kurtis Stryker, and Reiko, and Fujin, too, just to be safe!"

Everyone just stood there.

"What are you waiting for?" demanded Onaga, "GET TO WORK!"

Everyone ran around, doing their jobs. All that could be heard was Onaga's menacing laugh. His mission was finallly complete...He was one step closer to conquering the realms!


	9. Chapter 8

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 8:**

Hotaru and his sole partner Zeke sat on the freezing cold ground in the arctic-like valley somewhere up north, shivering and trying to warm themselves up by the ridiculously small fire.

"Sh-sh-shit!" snapped Hotaru, "It's f-f-f-freaking f-freezing and I am s-so homesick and I j-j-just w-want t-t-t-to kill m-myself right n-now..."

"Geez," said Zeke, wrapped up in a sleeping bag, "I've felt colder before. And besides, this was all your idea. You're the one who was all like 'I gotta preserve peace and order and stuff!'"

"Y-yeah," said Hotaru, "B-b-but this sh-shortcut w-w-was y-y-your idea!"

"It's not a shortcut!" snapped Zeke, "It's the only way to cross Outworld safely without having to go through the terrifying living forest!"

"F-f-for the l-l-last time, th-those t-trees w-w-won't eat you! It's a bloody m-m-myth!"

"Whatever you say boss!" Zeke turned over and attempted to sleep.

"That's it," said Hotaru, pulling out a cellphone, "I'm calling!"

"Who?"

"Anyone! I'm just so desperate right now! I'm cold and my 'evil contact lenses' are dry and freezing!"

"Why do you even wear those things? You're head is under a helmet like 90 percent of the time!"

"Shut up!"

Hotaru began to dial the number. After a few rings, Tanya, who was at the palace working on the computer (Decoding texts and whatnot) picked up.

"Ee-yello?" said Tanya, "Dragon King Home offices...How may I help you?"

"Tanya?" said Hotaru.

"Hotaru? Why are you calling?"

"I need to talk to somebody! I'm so cold and I'm scared I might not make it through the night!"

"Listen, the phone we gave you was for emergencies only! Do you know what the long distance charges are?"

"Listen, Tanya, I'm just so..."

"I don't care! What are you doing now, anyways?"

"Sitting in the snow, freezing my ass off."

"True. True."

Just then Baraka walked into the office where Tanya was working.

"Hey Tanya," said Baraka, "WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?"

"WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Tanya, with her tongue sticking out.

"Huh?" said Hotaru.

"Here, Baraka," said Tanya, "Pick up the phone!"

"Hey Hotaru," said Baraka, "WAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?"

"WAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Hotaru.

"Yo Zeke," said Hotaru, "Come here!"

He grabbed the phone.

"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Zeke.

"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUUP?" said Tanya.

"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUUP?" said Baraka.

Just then, Onaga walked into the office.

"WAAAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUP, everybody?" he said in his very deep and awkward voice.

"WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZUUUUUUP?" said Baraka and Tanya.

"WAAAAAAAZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUP?" said Hotaru and Zeke over the phone.

Just then Baraka and Onaga left the room and Zeke went back to sleep. It was just Tanya and Hotaru on the phone again.

"So what are you doing?" asked Tanya.

"Just sitting in the snow, freezing my ass off," replied Hotaru.

"True. True."

* * *

Kabal, Kobra and Kira finally arrived at the location of the mystical portal.

"So," said Kobra, "This giant thing is gonna take us to Chaosrealm where Havik lives?"

"Yup," replied Kabal.

"You never told us the Montoon Valley was in another dimension!" snapped Kira.

"Yeah," replied Kabal, "My bad."

"What are we waiting for," said Kobra, "Come on! Let's go!"

"Before we travel into Chaosrealm," began Kabal, "You must know that the only way to cross the portal is to fight off a representation of your greatest adversary!"

"Like?" said Kobra.

"Well," said Kabal, "We'll soon find out!"

The three headed onto the large platform. Kabal approached a large control panel and began to press random buttons.

"Can't quite get this thing to work," he muttered.

"Allow me," said Kira, kicking the machine with her steel-toe boot.

"Ah," said Kabal, "Thank you!"

The whole place began to light up. A giant orb appeared in the middle of the platform and a light blinded the trio for a few seconds. Just then, three shadowy figures stepped out of the light.

"Our adversaries," announced Kabal.

In front of Kabal, stood the late Mavado, leader of the Red Dragon. In front of Kira, stood Hsu Hao, servant of the Red Dragon. In front of Kobra, stood a...chimpanzee?

"Sir," said Kobra, "Is this some kind of joke?"

"No," said Kabal, "That's your adversary. Now, fight him!"

Kira giggled. "He's kinda cute."

"Yeah," agreed Kobra, "He is..."

Suddenly, the chimp leapt into the air and clung onto Kobra's face.

"AAAAHHH!" screamed Kobra, "Get this fucker off of me! He smells like poop and rotten eggs!"

"He just wants to dominate you!" said Kabal, stricking Mavado down, "Don't let him!"

Kobra then ran into a wall several times to get the chimp off of his face. Kobra braced himself and ran at extremely high speed into the wall. The chimp jumped off of Kobra's face at the last second, causing Kobra to crash into the wall and fall to the floor, barely conscious. The chimp just stood there, clapping his hands and sticking his tongue out.

"Damn chimp," muttered Kobra.

Kabal and Kira managed to kill their adversaries. Kobra was still struggling with his monkey.

"Come on," said Kira, "We don't have all day!"

"Yeah," said Kabal, "Hurry up!"

"This fucker's invincible!" said Kobra, "ARRRGH!"

Kobra angrily picked up the chimp and tossed it into the air. As it came down, Kobra kicked it, sending it flying over the ledge and into the surrounding ocean.

"Okay," said Kabal, "Are we done here?"

"I just have to pee," replied Kobra.

Kabal sighed.

* * *

Baraka sat on the large balcony staring into the empty lot that surrounded the palace. Just then, Mileena showed up. She was no longer wearing the tattered prison clothes, but the tight, revealing purple/black costume we all love, as well as a long purple veil on her mouth.

"Nice day, huh?" said Mileena.

"Um, sure," replied Baraka.

Mileena sat down next to Baraka. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Listen, Baraka," began Mileena, "I never got the chance to thank you for this beautiful outfit you gave me."

"My pleasure," said Baraka, "I couldn't stand seeing you in those prison rags."

Mileena just stared.

"Um," said Baraka, embarrassed, "I mean, you look beautiful no matter what costume you wear, it's just that those clothes were so dirty and you must have felt, um, itchy, or something."

"It's alright," said Mileena, "I know what you mean. Thanks you so much for saving me and accepting me into your team. You know, during my time in jail, you were the only person I ever thought of..."

"Really?" said Baraka, "I mean, of course! And I was always thinking of you!"

"Awww, how sweet!"

"Can I see some of your poetry?"

"Oh my God! Of course!"

Excitedly, Mileena pulled some papers out her, um, pocket. She began to read.

_"Down, down, down the enemy goes,_

_There he stands Baraka, my hero!_

_How graceful his movements are, how strong his will is,_

_And how I love the way he charges through enemies, tearing off their limbs and watching them as they slowly writher in pain and die, and then he rips their heads off and chews out their eyeballs with his big manly Tarkatan teeth and then..."_

"Um," said Baraka, "How about you read me another poem..."

"My pleasure," said Mileena.

Mileena cleared her throat and pulled out another paper.

_"Baraka, Baraka, with his dick so large..."_

"Okay," said Baraka, "I think I've had enough for today!"

"What's the matter?" asked Mileena, "Don't you love my poetry?"

"It's not that," said Baraka, "It's just I'm a little tired right now."

"Fuck you!" snapped Mileena, "You don't love me anymore!"

She then ran to the edge of the balcony and began to cry and wail.

"Eep," thought Baraka, "What have I done?"

He then ran up to her.

"Listen," Baraka said, "I love your poetry and I love you. I'm really sorry if I offended you. Please don't cry!"

"But you won't listen to me," said Mileena, still crying.

"I love you more than anything in the world," said Baraka, "And I know just how much you love me. I don't need to hear your poetry to realize that!"

"You mean it?"

"Yup!"

The two then brought their lips together and began to kiss. Then they began to lick each other's faces with their long, slimy Tarkatan tongues. And then, they found themselves lying together in bed.

"OH YEAH!" moaned Mileena, "OH YEAH!" GIVE IT TO ME!"

"Aw baby," said Baraka, "Yeah, you're a dirty girl."

Just then Tanya entered.

"The fuck are you doing?" she demanded.

"Jesus Tanya," said Baraka, "Ever heard of knocking?"

"This is MY ROOM!" said Tanya.

"Yeah, I know," said Baraka, "I like it cuz it has a bigger bed."

"Listen," continued Tanya, "When you two are done, can you please come see me in Onaga's office?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Mileena, "Just get out!"

"Right," said Tanya, closing the door, "I have to stop barging in on people all the time..."

"Now what?" asked Mileena.

"I don't know," replied Baraka, "I'm kind of turned-off right now."

The two just lay there for a while.

"Hey!" said Baraka suddenly, "How about you finish reading me that poem about my dick!"


	10. Chapter 9

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 9:**

Kabal, Kobra, and Kira flew out of the giant orb and landed on the hard ground of the Montoon Valley.

"WAHOO!" screamed Kabal, "Can we do that again?"

"No!" snapped Kabal.

The three stood up and looked around. There was nothing but a large barren desert with a few mountains in the background. The sky was a dark brown colour and things were floating around in the sky.

"Pfft," said Kira, lighting up a cigarette, "This place ain't nothing special..."

Just then, Kira was struck by a flying table.

"The fuck?" said Kira.

Kobra began to laugh really hard. Just then, a flying bathtub flew by and knocked him down.

"Yeah," said Kabal, "You better watch yourself. This place is random and chaotic at times."

"Yeah," said Kobra, rubbing his head, "I figured that."

"Are we going to find this guy Havik or what?" demanded Kira, "I can't stand another minute in this fucking valley!"

"Yeah, sure," said Kabal, "Come on, Kobra, get a move on!"

Kobra stood up and began to walk after Kabal and Kira.

"Oh, yeah," said Kabal, dodging a flying cow, "I should warn you...Another side effect of Chaosrealm is talking backwards, so don't be surprised if...you know."

"?sdrawkcab gniklaT" asked Kobra.

"?yas tsuj uoy did kcuf eht tahW" said Kira, "!oot taht ekil gniklat m'I !yeH"

"See?" said Kabal, "Told ya! Don't worry though, you'll get used to it, like I did."

".looc adnik yllautca si sihT" said Kobra.

"!skcus gnikcuf siht ,oN" shouted Kira, "Sorry, I mean, 'This fucking skcus!"

"You still said 'sucks' backwards," Kabal pointed out.

"!kcuf ,wA" said Kira, "Damn! I mean, 'Aw fuck!'"

Just then, a mysterious figure approached them.

"Who's that?" asked Kobra.

"Hey Havik!" said Kabal, "Long time no see!"

"Welcome back to Chaosrealm," said Havik.

The man who approached them, Havik, wore large purple robes with a hood over his face. He carried a small abg with him.

"You're Havik?" asked Kira, "You don't look so special."

Havik slowly removed his hood, revealing his mutilated face.

"Geez," said Kobra, feeling sick, "I thought Kabal without his helmet on was bad!"

"HEY!" snapped Kabal.

"...yrroS" said Kobra, "!niaga gnineppah s'ti ,on hO"

"Here," said Havik, reaching into the bag and pulling out some candies, "Eat these. They'll help you to adjust."

Kobra and Kira ate the candies.

"Better eh?" asked Havik, "Made 'em myself."

"I can tell," said Kobra, with a sick expression on his face."

"What brings you out here?" asked Kabal.

"I was tired of waiting for you guys," began Havik, "So I decided to come looking for you."

"We would have been here sooner," said Kabal, "If someone didn't keep wandering off!"

Kabal glared at Kobra.

"Whatever," said Havik, "Now, follow me to my home!"

The three walked through the valley to where Havik lived...

* * *

Baraka and Mileena stepped into Onaga's office where Tanya was waiting.

"So?" asked Baraka.

"I'm waiting for Onaga," replied Tanya, "So, how I see you two lovebirds are having a good time together."

"Shut up!" said Mileena, "You're just jealous because you're over 10 000 years old and still don't have a boyfriend!"

"I've had many boyfriends," said Tanya, "I just betrayed everyone of them, that's all."

"Typical," muttered Baraka.

"No wonder everyone hates you!" snapped Mileena, "You slutty Edenian ghoul!"

"You're calling me a ghoul when you're the one with the set of fangs?"

"If you and I didn't share the same hatred for Jade, I'd fucking bop you!"

At that moment, Onaga entered the room.

"All right ladies, enough!" he said, "Now, let's get down to buisiness."

Onaga sat down at his desk.

"I've just received word that the enemy armies are attempting another attack on my palace and we can't let that happen, can we?"

"No sir!" said Baraka, "I'm already on it!"

"Excellent," said Onaga, "The decoding is coming along perfectly, only there is so much text, I predict it will take us a few months to get it all done."

"A few months?" said Tanya, "Damn! I'd better get to work!"

"I just thought of something," said Mileena, "Why don't I go along with Baraka to help him out?"

"I don't know," began Onaga, "You're still kinda new..."

"Yeah," said Baraka, "But she's had experience before! She can come and I'll show her the ropes of Tarkatan warfare!"

"Great!" said Onaga, "It's settled then! Go and do your jobs! I'll be right here working on...you know, stuff!"

Everyone left the room. Onaga then turned on his computer and began to play _Minesweeper_.

* * *

Kabal, Kobra and Kira entered the small hut where Havik lived. Not only was it in the middle of nowhere, but it was so small, there was barely enough room for the four people to step inside. To make things worse, the main room was a disaster area...Garabage, books, food...you name it, was scattered across the floor.

"Have a seat," said Havik, "As you can see, I had a big party here last night. Even the people of Chaosrealm say I'm very chaotic, and that's saying something!"

"Um, yes," said Kabal, sitting on a couch with Kobra and Kira, "Now, what was it you called us here for?"

"Want something to eat?" asked Havik.

"No," replied Kabal.

"Something to drink," continued Havik, "Some durian juice? Maybe some pizza shakes?"

"Could you just tell us?" demanded Kabal.

"Geez," said Havik, "Calm down! Now, as you know, the Dragon King has returned to power in Outworld."

"So I've heard," said Kabal, "Although I don't remember the Deadly Alliance ever falling from power."

"You were in Earthrealm looking for recruits," said Havik, "Remember?"

"Yes, yes, carry on."

"Now, this Dragon King, known simply as 'Onega' or 'Onaga' or some shit like that, is a major threat to the chaos that I've worked so hard to spread. As you know, I am sort of like Chaosrealm's ambassador."

Kabal, Kobra and Kira nodded.

"With Shao Kahn in power, there was chaos. There were wars, conspiracies, scandals...People were running around and fighting each other all the time! With Onaga in power, realms will be united and merged, and there will be nothing but peace and order. It makes me sick just thinking about what's to come."

"So," began Kobra, who was picking at some gum stuck to the couch, "You want us three to kill Onaga?"

"Hell no!" snapped Havik, "Onaga has plenty of enemies to do that job for us! Our job is to sneak in after the resistance has won, then take Onaga's heart."

"Heart?" asked Kira.

"Yup," said Havik, "You see, his heart contains the power to ressurect. That's why his army was invincible. If we can take the Dragon King's heart (After he's killed) then I can ressurect Shao Kahn from the dead and return his once chaotic rule."

"Why should I help you ressurect Shao Kahn?" asked Kabal, "He scarred me for life! Look at what I have to wear now!" He pointed to his breathing apparatus.

"Listen," said Havik, "I healed your wounds, now I expect you to return the favour. Besides, when he sees that you're evil again, he'll be your new best friend. Now, before we do anything else, I must test your new recruits!"

"What do you mean?" asked Kobra.

"When Shao Kahn conquers the realms," began Havik, "Only the strongest warrior will survive!"

Havik then stood up and ripped off his purple robes, revaling a body covered with thick armor. Havik then placed a helmet on his head.

"Let's get a move on," he said.

* * *

Hotaru and Zeke found themselves in a small town just outside the forest. They were glad to be out fo the wilderness for once.

"I am so lucky I survived," said Hotaru, "So many months on this perilous journey, walking, clibing, searching...So many men lost!"

"Geez," said Zeke, "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit? I mean, we only lost 1 person, and we were only walking for a couple of weeks. And for half the trip, we flew on a dragonfly. I really don't see what you're complaining about."

"Zeke," said Hotaru, calmly, "Shut up."

Zeke sighed. "Now what?"

"We ask around," replied Hotaru, "Let me do all the talking."

Just then, a man clad in red walked by. Hotaru approached him.

"Um," began Hotaru, "Excuse me sir."

The man suddenly jumped up into the air and began doing backflips. He then twirled around a few times, before landing on the ground and striking a pose.

"WE are Ermac!" announced the man, "State your case!"

"Wow," said Hotaru, "Nice intro, very well , I need to know if you've seen this man."

Hotaru held up the photo of Sub-Zero.

"Oh," said Ermac, "We see...Because we're a ninja, you think we know where this ninja is?"

"No, I..."

"You think that we know every single ninja that roams Outworld like we're all a bunch of pen pals or something."

"Not at all..."

"Let us tell you something," Ermac moved in very close to Hotaru, "We ninjas don't have this psychic connection to each other. But we guess that's too much for your prejudiced mind to take!"

"Please calm down," said Hotaru, "I don't wanna start something, I just wanted to know where Sub-Zero is."

"Oh yeah?" said Ermac, "Well, next time think twice about what you say you racist bastard."

"Sorry," said Hotaru as Ermac walked off angrily.

"Well," said Zeke, "Let's get going..."

All of a sudden, Ermac showed up again.

"Oh yeah," said Ermac, "If you're looking for Sub-Zero, he left town an hour ago. He went by the path. We think he might be heading to the Belzeen Forest."

"Ah," said Hotaru, "Thank you."

Ermac left.

"Wanna get going?' asked Zeke.

"I need a drink first," said Hotaru.

* * *

"All right," announced Havik, "Let your training begin!"

**Lesson 1: Target Training**

"In times of combat," began Havik, "You will need to be constantly on the lookout for enemies. You must have damn good aim to kill enemies standing at least 20 feet away from you!"

Kira and Kobra found themselves in Havik's private shooting range. (Yeah, Havik has his own shooting range. You got a problem with that?) In front of them were targets shaped like men. Kira pulled out her Dragon Teeth and flung them at the target. One struck the heart, while the other struck the head.

"Very well done," complimented Havik, "Now, you Kobra!"

Kobra pulled out his Kali sticks and flung them at his target. One missed, while the other bounced off the wall and flew backwards, striking Havik in the face.

"Sorry," said Kobra.

"S'okay, s'okay," replied Havik, rubbing his face.

**Lesson 2: Speed & Endurance**

Havika and Kabal stood at the side of a hill cheering on Kobra and Kira as they jogged their way up.

"Come on!" shouted Havik, "You can do it!"

Kobra and Kira ran up the hill, sweating and out of breath. Suddenly, Kobra stopped.

"Oh cool," he said, "A snail!"

As Kobra bent down, Kira, who did not have enough time to stop, crashed into him and the two rolled down the hill.

**Lesson 3: Strength**

"For your final test," said Havik, "I will test your combat skills."

Havik held a large punching bag as Kobra delivered some kicks and punches to it.

"HARDER!" shouted Havik, "FASTER! Come on!"

"You want hard?" said Kobra, "I'll give you hard."

Kobra backed off and performed a flying kick. The only thing was that he missed the bag and hit the ground hard.

"Dumbass," said Havik.

Kira suddenly came up and attacked the punching bag. Her attack was so unexpected and powerful, that it sent the bag flying into Havik's face and knocked him down. Kira lifted her arms into the air and began to cheer.

"It can't get any worse," said Havik, lying on the floor, dizzy.

At that moment, the bag split open, spilling sand all over Havik's face.

A few minutes later, Kobra and Kira were lying down at the edge of a tall cliff with the top half of their bodies dangling over the edge. Havik held down Kobra's feet, while Kabal held down Kira's feet. Both Black Dragons were doing ab crunches.

"I don't (gasp) understand the (gasp) point of this exercise," said Kobra.

"It's not an exercise," replied Havik, "It's a punishment for your horrible display during my training session! You will pay for your weakness!"

"This is (Gasp) fucking ridiculous!" shouted Kira.

"Well," said Havik, "You better keep going or else I drop you!"

"EEP!" The two Black Dragons moved faster than before.

"So Havik," began Kabal, "When will our mission to retrieve the heart begin?"

"Before you can find the heart," said Havik, "You must first find the Key of Power!"

At that moment, a random thunder noise could be heard in the background.

"Okay," said Kabal, "What is the point of this key?"

"It unlocks the Dragon King's palace, and all of his treasure-filled private rooms!"

"I don't (gasp) believe this!" said Kira, "Now (Gasp) we have to go (Gasp) looking for a bloody (Gasp) key?"

"Shut up and keep going!" snapped Havik, "500 more and the two of you are free!"

"Awwww," said Kobra and Kira.

"Where is this Key of Power (_Thunder Noise)_ located?" asked Kabal.

"In the realm of Seido," answered Havik.

"You mean Orderrealm? Why there?"

"As you know, the Seidans are the preservers of peace and order in the universe. When someone like the Dragon King comes along and promises a strict and orderly rule, the Seidans will instantly bow down to him!"

"All right. My recruits and I will head out once they're done here."

"Sir," began Kobra, "I did 500 more! Can I go now?"

"No fuck you!" snapped Havik, "I wanna hear you count properly this time!"

"Jesus," said Kabal, "Why do have to be so mean. They're my recruits. They're like family to me."

"They need discipline!" shouted Havik.

"Since when is a Chaosrealmer obsessed with discipline?"

"You're right...Aw fuck it! You two are good now. You're free!"

Havik then let go of Kobra dn he fell down the cliff.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Kobra.

"KOBRA!" shouted Kabal, "What have you..."

Just then, Kobra fell from the sky and landed next to Kabal.

"What the?..."

"It's chaosrealm," said Havik, "The law of physics don't need to apply."

"Cool," said Havik.

He then let go of Kira. She then fell from the sky and landed right on Havik.

"Whoops," said Kabal.

Havik cursed inder his breath.

"Hey, _Hideous Maximus_," began Kira, "You're helmet is stuck up my ass! Ow!"


	11. Chapter 10

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 10:**

Mileena, Baraka, and a swarm of Tarkatan troops stood in the large, empty desert waiting for Bo'Rai Cho's troops to show up.

"It's such a nice day outside," said Mileena.

"Yeah," said Baraka, "Nice day to KILL! Ha!"

"You're always talking about killing and maiming people," said Mileena, "Why don't you ever stop and smell the roses a bit? You know, enjoy life more."

"Oh boy!" said Baraka.

"I'm serious," said Mileena, "After this battle, you and I should go to the forest and take a nice relaxing walk. We can't always be about killing. We need to get intimate once in a while, too!"

"I completely understand what you mean, Mileena," said Baraka, "That's why my mother never held a relationship for longer than 2 weeks."

As he spoke, Baraka held up his wallet, which contained a photo of his mother. She looked exactly like Baraka, except she was wearing a large pink sun hat.

"Eww," said Mileena, "I mean awww, that's terrible."

"I know," said Baraka, sniffing.

The two then suddenly began making out. The soldiers in the background winced. One even threw up.

"Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun-Dun..." the opposing armies were approaching and singing a retarded chant.

"Sir," said a random Tarkata, "The armies are advancing!"

"I can see that," said Baraka, "I'm not blind!" He continued to make out with Mileena.

A bunch of arrows suddenly came raining down on the battlefield. Some of them almost hit Baraka and Mileena.

"That's it," said Baraka, "Nobody messes with us when we're kissing."

Baraka and Mileena pulled out sponge cakes and each took a great big bite.

"CHAAAARGE!"

The Tarkata ran towards the oncoming army and slashed down anyone that stood in their path. Mileena jumped up into the air and impaled two soldiers in the heads with her sai. Meanwhile, Baraka ran towards a large soldier and attempted to stab him, but the soldier sidestepped the attack, causing Baraka to slip and fall. The soldier picked Baraka up by the legs and began swinging him around.

"Woooooaaahh!" said Baraka, "Holy shit! I can feel the lasagna coming back up!"

The soldier let go, sending Baraka flying through the air and landing head first into the ground. The soldier continued to come after Baraka.

"Spare me," said Baraka.

Mileena slashed down another two men and gave a loud battle cry. Just then, a soldier wrapped his arm around her throat.

"Hey honey," said the soldier in a mocking tone, "This ain't a place for the ladies. Why don't you let me escort you outta here?"

"How about you go fuck yourself?" said Mileena.

She then bit down into his arm with her fangs, causing his arm to tear off. As the soldier screamed, Mileena jumped onto his shoulders and twisted his head off with her knees.

The large soldier bent down and picked Baraka up again, holding his face up to his. He was having lots of fun with Baraka.

"I'm gonna give you the beatdown of your life!" said the soldier.

"Too bad," said Baraka, "'Cuz you're the one going down!"

Knives then popped out of Baraka's knees and he stabbed the soldier in the calves by thrusting his legs.

"OW!" screamed the soldier.

Baraka then beheaded the man.

"I'm glad to see this battle coming to a 'head'!" laughed Baraka.

Just then, Mileena bumped into Baraka. The two screamed at the same time and pointed their weapons at each other.

"Oh," said Baraka, "It's just you."

"Yeah," said Mileena, "You scared me. Oh my God! You can make blades come out of your legs too?"

"Yeah," said Baraka, "But it's just for the convenience of this scene. I'll probably lose this ability later on in the fanfic."

"Too bad," said Mileena, "Oh well. Let's go kick some ass!"

The Tarkata fought with all their might and eventually killed all the soldiers. Just two remained and they were running away.

"Mileena," said Baraka, "Do the honours!"

"The what?" asked Mileena.

Baraka sighed, "Throw your sai at them!"

"Oh," said Mileena. She pulled out her sai and tossed them at the two men, killing them.

The Tarakata all cheered. Mileena and Baraka began to kiss.

"You're the greatest Tarkatan warrior of all time," said Baraka.

"Thanks," replied Mileena, "I love you."

* * *

That night, Hotaru sat on the dirty ground in the middle of the large forest as the large campfire burned behind him. He was playing guitar and singing. (And he was a little drunk, as well).

_"I met a man, he told me a tale,_

_About a boy who's bread went stale._

_Ooooooooooh Yeeeeeaaaaahhh!"_

"Jesus Christ!" snapped Zeke, "Can't we go through one night without you getting smashed and acting like a retard?"

"Shut the fuck up!" said Hotaru, "I'm homesick and desperate!"

"Sir," said Zeke, "I can't believe what I'm hearing! You're not that tough-as-nails Seidan Commander that I knew from training camp! Right now, you're a whiny brat!"

"TAKE THAT BACK!" ordered Hotaru.

"No," said Zeke, "I refuse to take orders from you if you're gonna be like that! I'm taking charge from now on!"

"You can't take charge!" said Hotaru standing up, "I am your leader! I AM GOD!"

Zeke just stood there. Suddenly, Hotaru broke down and cried.

"You're right," sobbed Hotaru, "I'm no Seidan Guard! All I did was sleep and eat potato chips during my training excercises! I cheated on my final exam! I bailed out during all the simulation excersises, pretending to have been kidnapped by fucking virtual headhunters!"

Zeke's jaw dropped.

"All those things I told you and the recruits during those drills," began Hotaru, "Well, it was all bullshit! There's no hope for us Seidans, even with the Dragon King!"

"That's why you chose to do this mission," said Zeke, "So you can get out of fighting Onaga's battles...So you can get out of fighting the resistance in Seido."

Hotaru continued crying while nodding slowly.

"But you can't even accomplish this mission because you're a fucking burnout!"

Hotaru then pulled out his 'evil contacts' to reveal small blue eyes. He nodded again.

"Great," said Zeke, "I've spent the last few weeks with a bloody coward. A babbling, self-loathing, drunk, coward!"

Zeke then began to grab his things.

"Where are you going?" demanded Hotaru.

"Away from you!" replied Zeke, "I'm not staying here anymore with you! You can go home if you like, but I'm gonna find this Sub-Zero and put an end to this once and for all!"

"NO! You're not going anywhere! That's an order!"

"Fuck off, dickwad!"

"What did you just say?"

"I said get the fuck outta here!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

Hotaru chased down Zeke. Within seconds, Hotaru tackled Zeke to the floor and the two men rolled around in the mud beating each other up. As the fight got more intense, the men began to roll down a hill...A very steep hill. At first, they continued fighting, but then, they lost control and practically went flying through the air.

Hotaru awoke a few minutes later. He stood up and looked around. He saw Zeke lying a few feet in front of him.

"Zeke," said Hotaru, "Zeke? Oh my God!"

Zeke was impaled on a large mutated pointy tree.

"Zeke," said Hotaru, breaking down and crying, "How could I have let this happen? OHHHHH! Damn those mutated pointy tree thingies!"

After a little while of crying, Hotaru approached Zeke and stared down at his face. Hotaru placed his fingers on Zeke's eyelids and gently closed his eyes. He then picked up Zeke's helmet and placed it on Zeke's chest. Still wiping his tears, Hotaru started to make his way back up the hill. Just then, he saw some strange footprints in the dirt.

"Is that..." began Hotaru, "Ice?"

The footprints had small beads of ice in them.

"That means...Sub-Zero is nearby!" Hotaru glanced at Zeke and remembered what he said before he died, "That's it! I will do it! I will complete my job and prove myself once and for all!"

Hotaru abandonned all his stuff and began to follow the footprints. This was it. Sub-Zero was going down!

* * *

Mileena and Baraka continued to battle the opposing armies, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Damn these soldiers," said Baraka, stabbing a soldier, "They are getting smarter each time! I can't keep up anymore!"

"Tell me about it!" said Mileena, "We need more troops!"

"Unfortunately," began Baraka, "All the Seidan troops are currently dealing with a certain issue back at their own realm."

Just then, a soldier ran up to Mileena with a large sword. He suddenly stopped.

"Princess Kitana?" asked the soldier, "Is that really you?"

"No," replied Mileena, puzzled.

"But it looks just like you!" continued the soldier, "Bo'Rai Cho has told me so much about you! It must be you."

Mileena then stabbed the man, killing him.

"That was weird," said Baraka.

"Why?" asked Mileena, "I mean I'm Kitana's clone...It's only normal people get confused."

Baraka thought for a moment.

"THAT'S IT!" shouted Baraka, "I have an excellent idea..."

* * *

"Are you sure this is where the Key of Power (Thunder noise) is located?" asked Kobra.

"Yes," said Kabal, "And I am getting fucking fed up of that random thunder noise!"

The Black Dragon trio found themselves in a large castle in Seido, carefully searching for the Key of Power. So far, they have not had any encounters with Seidan guards.

"Now," said Kabal, "I want you two to be extra quiet. I don't wanna get caught."

"Yessir!" shouted Kobra.

"SHHHH!" said Kabal and Kira.

As they walked down the castle, Kobra saw a large candlestick sticking out of the wall. Kobra reached over to touch it. A large hole suddenly opened up in the wall.

"Aw sweet!" said Kobra, "A secret passage!"

"Damn it!" said Kabal, "What part of 'Don't touch' don't you understand?"

"What?" said Kobra, "Now we can take a shortcut!"

"We don't know what's on the other side!" said Kira, "So, let's find out!"

"Oh, alright," said Kabal, "But if I see one beheaded skeleton or some other scary shit, we're leaving!"

The three headed into the passage. When they emerged at the other end, a swarm of Seidan guards were waiting to greet them. They all pointed naginatas at the Black Dragons.

"Well," began Kabal, "That was really smart."

"Sweeeeet," said Kobra. The others looked at him like he was crazy.

"I was just looking at that...rad painting over there...It's um, creepy...We're screwed aren't we?"


	12. Chapter 11

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 11:**

Onaga sat in his office talking to the One Being, who was speaking through the office computer.

"So," said the One Being, "Having fun decoding?"

"Hell, no!" replied Onaga, "You never told em it was this much work!"

"Um, yeah," said the One Being, "I said it many times...You were probably just not listening!"

"Yeah, you're right," said Onaga, "I tend to tune out while people are talking."

"Well, there'll be no time for that anymore! We must get to work!"

"Sure..."

"First, I have to check my _Myspace _page. I put this adorable photo of me and I need to see if I got any more comments."

The internet on Onaga's computer suddenly opened and switched to said Onaga, "You have 4002 friends? That's way more than me!"

"Well," said the One Being, "It really helps your popularity when you're like, the creator of the universe. Damn it! No new comments!"

"Sir," said Onaga, "I'm really scared for the future of my reign. The opposing armies are getting more powerful and support for me has really been shot after those comments I made on that radio show..."

**-Flashback-**

"Welcome back to EG rock, the music of the gods," boomed the radio host, "Today we have a very special guest: The Leader of Outworld, our very own Dragon King, Onaga! Nice to have you on the show, sir!"

"Great to be here, Bob," said Onaga, "I needed a little time off, you know."

Bob chuckled. "So as the new ruler of Outworld, what are your plans?"

"I plan to preserve peace and order in the realm, and enforce strict rules upon the denizens of not only Outworld, but of the entire universe!"

"Great," said Bob, "I know that you have many enemies..."

"Yeah," said Onaga, "But I'm only Dragon. I can't please everyone, you know."

"True," said Bob, "True. Now, before we hear from some callers, may I show you this little video made by your supposters in the Netherrealm."

"Great!"

Bob pressed a button on his control panel and a bunch a T.V screen popped up. On it, were a bunch of Oni from the Netherrealm singing and dancing.

_"Onaga, Onaga! We all love Onaga! You rule the world! You rule the Universe!_

_Long live the Dragon King! _

_We love your horns! We love your armor! We love your tail!_

_La-dee-dah! La-dee-dah! LAAAAA-DEEEE-DAAAAHHH!"_

Bob gave a weird face, so did Onaga.

"Pretend you enjoy it," whispered Bob. Onaga nodded.

"Wow," said Onaga, "I'm very impressed. You guys are...uh...great! Well done!"

"Those are some Oni, huh?" asked Bob.

"Yeah," replied Onaga, "Those are some real nappy-headed Oni. Yup, nappy-headed Oni."

Bob just stared.

"Whoops,"s aid Onaga, "Did I just say that out loud?"

**-End Flashback-**

"Damn," said Onaga, "That was political suicide."

"ZZZZZZ," said the One Being.

"Wake up!" snapped Onaga.

"Huh?" asked the One Being, "Oh, sorry. You're story was fucking boring. Anyways, don't worry. Just follow my advice and you'll be alright."

"And what is it?" asked Onaga.

Just then, the door burst open.

"Whoops," said the One Being, "Gotta go!"

"No, wait!" said Onaga, "Aw, fuck! Tanya, how many times have I..."

"It's not Tanya," said Mileena, "It's me Mileena."

"And Baraka," said Baraka.

"What do you want?" demanded Onaga.

"Sir," began Baraka, "Bo'Rai Cho's armies are getting stronger by the day, and I keep losing men. We can no longer split the army up into little groups and scatter them to areas where we think the opposing armies will show up..."

"Go on," said Onaga.

"We need to take all of Bo's armies and lead them as far away from this castle as possible. Then, I'll take an entire division of Tarkatan troops and ambush them in a particular spot."

"And how will you do that?" asked Onaga.

"Simple," replied Baraka, "Since Bo'Rai Cho never saw Kitana die or fall under your spell, all we have to do his dress Mileena here up like her, and Bo won't be able to tell the difference. He and his armies will follow Kitana around, and she'll lead them to where I'll tell her to."

"Sounds pretty risky," said Onaga, "Are you okay with this?"

"Yessir," said Mileena, "I am willing to do anything in the name of the Dragon King!"

"Then it's settled," boomed Onaga, "Prepare Mileena. And good luck to te two of you!"

* * *

Jade and Sindel sat in the dark, quiet dungeons beneath Onaga's castle, engaging a "fun activity."

"Go jumpy!" shouted Jade, "Come on! You can do it!"

"Aw come on, Bibo," said Sindel, "Hurry up! You suck!"

"What the fuck are you two ladies doing?" asked Tanya, who was passing by their cell.

"We're racing cockroaches on the prison floor," replied Jade, "Mine's winning!"

"Nuh-uh!" said Sindel, "Look, mine caught up!"

"Fuck!" snapped Jade.

"Um, yeah, whatever," said Tanya, rolling her eyes.

"You know, it gets kinda boring in here," said Sindel.

"Yeah, yeah, save it," said Tanya, "So, Jade, how does it feel to be at the other end of the shit stick?"

Jade gave Tanya the middle finger.

"Aw, whatsamatter?" asked Tanya, "Can't stand being in jail? Weren't you in a jail for the last few years?...Oh wait! Now, I remember! Back then, you were on the outside teasing all the poor inmates, like Mileena. Now, you're trapped! HA!"

"Tanya," said Jade, approaching the bars, "I swear to the Gods, one day, you will get what you deserve!"

"Sure whatever, sister," said Tanya, "Listen, I gotta get me a pedicure. Unlike you, I actually try to look good!"

"Of course I can't look good, you dumb fuck!" shouted Jade, "I'M IN PRISON!"

Tanya walked away.

"Now what?" asked Jade.

"It's time for your daily dose of _The Hills_," replied a passing guard. He pulled a remote control out of his pocket and turned on the T.V. in the prison, "Just in time for the Cram session!"

The guard left.

"_The Hills?_" asked Jade.

"Yeah, _Laguna Beach's _awful spinoff. Come on, we better just watch it and get it over with..."

* * *

Baraka stood inside the small room helping Mileena into her blue unitard.

"It kinda itches," said Mileena, "Thanks for helping me, though."

"Are you sure you're willing to go through with this?" asked Baraka, "I don't wanna put any pressure on you, but if any part of your Tarakatan mouth shows, they will destroy you!"

Mileena smiled. "I'm not scared. I've survived worse..."

Baraka finished tying up Kitana's backside.

"How do I look?" asked Mileena.

"You look just like Kitana," replied Baraka, "I just have to tie the veil."

Baraka held up the veil and brought it to her mouth. He suddenly slipped and fell onto Mileena. The two began kissing. Mileena then backed off and began to do a sexy dance.

"Oh," said Mileena, "I'm trouble! The evil Shao Kahn has me locked up in his dirty smelly dungeon! Where's my saviour?"

Baraka ripped a piece of cloth off his clothing and tied it around his head.

"It is I," said Baraka, "Liu Kang! I have come to save you!"

"Oh, Liu," said Mileena, "Take me away from this wretched place."

She then leapt into his arms and continued to kiss him. They eventually flopped onto the nearby bed and began to you know what...

"Wait a minute," said Mileena, "Do you have your rubber?"

"My what?" asked Baraka.

"Your rubber...I don't wanna catch your gonorrhea!"

"For the last time," began Baraka, "I don't have gonorrhea! I have genital herpes!"

"Oh," said Mileena, "Okay, I can deal with that!"

They began continued to have sex. Baraka was moaning loudly.

"Shhh..." said Mileena, "Not so loud. Tanya might be listening in."


	13. Chapter 12

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 12:**

Bo'Rai Cho, Li Mei, and a group of monks gathered outside their base of operations training and preparing for an upcoming battle. In the distance, they saw a female coming closer.

"Listen, Li Mei," began Bo, "There are other ways of finding jobs in this extensive market besides..."

"Hey," said Li Mei, "Who's that?"

"Attention," shouted Mileena, who approached Bo and Li, "I have come to lead your army to victory against the Dragon King!"

"Can it be?" asked Bo, "Yes! Princess Kitana! I thought you were..."

"Killed and ressurected under the control of the Dragon King?" said Mileena, "No! I am alive and well. I was just...um, on a spiritual journey of some kind..."

"Excellent," boomed the fatass, "We are all honoured to have you in charge again!"

"Yes," said Mileena, "Now, we must prepare, for I have a special attack planned. We will all head to Onaga's palace, and kill him there!"

"But," said Li Mei, "Isn't too dangerous, Princess?"

"Um," said Mileena, "No, because all his troops are...uhhh...somewhere else right now. Listen, just trust me! We can do this"

"We trust you," said Bo, "Are you ready men?"

The crowd cheered.

"Let us begin the attack!" announced Mileena.

Obviously, Mileena was not planning on leading them to the castle...Quite the contrary. She was leading them away from the castle into a dark forest where a large swarm of Tarkatan soldiers will ambush them. We'll see how this plan turns out later...

* * *

Kabal, Kobra and Kira sat in the jail cell, thinking about what a disaster this whole mission was.

"Jesus Christ," said Kobra, "Is there anyone in this fanfic who doesn't end up in jail?"

"You know," said Kira, "We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you!"

"Hey!" snapped Kobra, "You're the one who wanted to go in!"

"Fuck off! I wanna smack you so bad right now!"

"Shut the fuck up!" said Kabal, "This is no time for arguing!"

"Well," said Kira, "There's nothing else for us to do now, so we might as well argue!"

"You're right," said Kabal, "Carry on."

"BAAAH! I don't feel like it," said Kira and Kobra at the same time.

After a few minutes of silence, Kobra broke the ice.

"So," said Kobra, "How did you get involved with the Black Dragon in the first place?"

"What's it to you?" said Kobra.

"You saw how I got in," began Kobra, "But I wasn't around to see you."

"True," said Kira, "Well, my story begins after I got out after my third stay in prison. I was doing some odd jons to make money..."

**-Flashback-**

Somewhere in a cave in Afganistan, Osama Bin Laden stood in front of a white screen as a camerman filmed.

"Attention Americans," announced Osama, "I am planning an attack on your beloved nation as we speak. It will be even bigger than 9/11. I will strike you all so bad...um...line?"

"Damn it!" said the cameraman, "We rehearsed this for so long!"

"I know," said Osama, "But I've been too busy with other things!"

"We don't even have an attack prepared, so I don't know why we're making all these videos."

"I told you, I'm working on an attack!"

Just then, about 3 terrorists walked into the cave along with a small man with long, baggy robes and a turban that concealed much of his face.

"And who is that?" asked Osama.

"This man..." began one of the terrorists.

"I," interrupted the small man, "Am Adid-Zenir Jabar. I come from...far away."

"State your buisiness here!" ordered Osama.

"I have come with weapons," said Adid, pulling out a large black suitcase, "I believe you will enjoy these."

Adid opened the suitcase. Osama and the terrorists looked inside.

"These weapons are incredible!" said Osama, pulling out a sub-machine gun, "I will pay you very well for this!"

"Um," said Adid, "Can you please pay me in American dollars?"

Osama raised an eyebrow. "What for?"

"I..." began Adid, "I have an important mission there, and I must buy some supplies, if you know what I mean..."

"Ah!" said Osama, "I see! Get him the American money!"

"But sir," said a terrorist, "We were saving that for our trip to DisneyWorld!"

"Too bad," said Osama, "This person here deserves it more than us! Go to America, Adid, and make us all proud!"

"I will," said Adid, accepting a suitcase full of money, "So long, and nice doing buisiness with you!"

As Adid began to leave, a terrorist accidentally stepped on his long cloak, pulling it off and revealing Adid's undergarments: A tight, black tank top.

"Hey!" said a terrorist, "This man...HAS BOOBS!"

Osama yanked the turban off of Adid, revealing long red-hair and a feminine face.

"Whoops," said Kira.

"This is not a terrorist," said Osama, "This is a woman! An AMERICAN woman!"

"Actually," said Kira, "I was born in Canada."

"She must be one of those femme fatales," said one of the terrorist, "Like in those American spy movies!"

"Spy?" said Osama, "Kill her! Don't let her get away!"

3 of the terrorists pulled out assault rifles and began firing. Kira quickly picked up the large black suitcase and blocked the shots with it. As the terrorists reloaded, Kira tossed the heavy suitcase with all her might at one of them, decapitating him. She then picked up a gun from the suitcase and began firing. Only, there was no ammo.

"Shit!" snapped Kira, "That's what I was forgetting!"

She instead charged the men and impaled one of them. The other pulled out a sword and tried to slice Kira, but she blocked with the gun before ramming it into his throat. The cameraman then pulled a knife and charged her, but she simply jumped into the air and landed behind him, where she cracked his neck. Osama, attempted to dig into his supply bag to pull out a grenade, but Kira saw what he was doing and she stole the cameraman's blade and impaled Osama with it.

"Terrorize this," said Kira.

"Noooo!" said Osama, before dying.

Shaken and exhausted, Kira walked out the cave slowly. Outside, she saw a masked man standing there.

"Who are you?" demanded Kira.

"I am Kabal," said the man.

"Kabal?" said Kira, "Isn't that like Middle-Eastern?"

"Actually," began Kabal, "I'm half British, half-...Aw fuck this shit! Listen, will you come join the Black Dragon?

"Hmmm," said Kira, "I heard of them. They're all about crime and anarchy and stuff, right?"

Kabal nodded.

"Sure," said Kira, "I'll join your team, just as long as I don't have to dess up."

The two shook hands.

**-End Flashback-**

"Wow," said Kobra, "Exciting stuff."

"Shhh..." said Kabal, "Someone is coming."

"Alright," said an oncoming guard, "It's time for your trial."

The guard began to open the cell.

"Guys," whispered Kabal, "I have a plan to escape from here!"

"Come on," said the Seidan Guard impatiently, "Move your fucking asses! Hurry up!"

"Geez," said Kabal, "What's the rush? Why do you have be so mean?"

"Because," replied the guard.

"Because," said Kabal, "You try to look tough to impress everyone right? You hide behind this false image of a tough, angry guard."

"Shut up," ordered the guard as he escorted Kabal, Kira, and Kobra out of the cell, "Just shut the fuck up!"

"Well," said Kabal, "If you're looking for that promotion to Seidan Soldier, then you should just be yourself. Trust me, I was like you your age...Only when I did my own thing did I go somewhere."

"How so?" asked the guard.

"Let me tell you a story..."

Kabal began to sing _Grace Kelly _by Mika:

_"I tried to be like Grace Kelly,_

_But all her looks were too sad._

_So I tried a little Freddie,_

_I've gone identity mad!"_

Kobra then began to sing as well:

_"I could be brown, I could be blue I could be violet like sky!_

_I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like._

Kira joined along:

_"Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more,_

_Why don't you like me, why don't you like me? WALK OUT THE DOOR!"_

The guard began to sing along. All four were singing and dancing together. Kobra was swinging two glowing batons.

_"I could be brown, I could be blue I could be violet like sky!_

_I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like._

_Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more,_

_Why don't you like me, why don't you like me..."_

Kobra then slammed the glowing batons down on the Seidan guard's head, killing him.

"Nice job, Kobra," said Kabal, "It wasn't what I had in mind, but it was still great!"

For the next few hours, Kabal, Kobra, and Kira ran around the castle, moving around corners, and sneaking past Seidan guards. I could sit here all day, describing their little adventures, but I have a life to get to, so I'll just skip to the part where they find the Key of Power.

"Whew," said Kobra, "That was insane. I'm glad we finally found the damn key!"

"Yes," said Kabal, "Now we can grab it and leave."

The three entered a small room with thick stone walls and a small pedestal in the middle of the room where the key stood. Kobra approached it and carefully picked it up.

"Don't drop it," warned Kabal.

"What?" Kobra dropped the key.

"Idiot!" shouted Kabal, "I said DON'T drop it!"

Normally, when a key falls, it makes a "Ding!" noise, but being the Key of Power, it made a noise similar to an Elder God taking a huge dump.

"NOOO!" screamed Kabal.

"Come on," said Kira, "We gotta get outta here!"

A swarm of Seidan guards entered the room. The trio desperately crawled into a small hole in the corner. When they emerged, they found themselves in the main entrance.

"Let's go!" ordered Kabal.

Just then, another swarm of Seidans charged in.

"Shit!" said Kira, "These guys are fast!"

The trio ran (In slow motion) from the deadly stampede of guards. They headed towards the door.

"Why are we running so slow?" asked Kobra.

"I don't know," said Kabal, "We better pick up the pace!"

They eventually made it to the door. Unfortunately, it was locked.

"We're screwed..." said Kabal.

Just then, the doors swung open, knocking down the Black Dragon trio. The Seidans stopped in their path. At the door, stood a large army of angry-looking people. Their leader was a tall, black man with dark glasses. His right-hand man was a short, balding samurai.

"Oh, no!" said the lead Seidan guard, "It's the resistance!"

"That's right, foo!" said the leader of the resistance, "I am Darrius, and with my partner Dairou, I plan on leading this army behind me in the biggest revolt in Seidan history! Now, take us to the king!"

"He's on vacation now," said the Seidan guard.

"WHAT?" shouted Darrius, "Dairou, I thought you said his vacation already passed."

"Geez," said Dairou, "I made a little mistake, big friggin' deal!"

"Well," said Darrius, "It doesn't matter. We'll just kill you all and then wait until the king gets back, so we can ask him to step down!"

The resistance cheered.

"Um," said Kira, "Darrius, right? Yeah, so are you the bad guys or the good guys?"

"Well," began Darrius, "That all depends...If you were a Seidan soldier right now, we would seem like the bad guys. But, we feel like we are making a positive change in this realm, so we see ourselves as good guys!"

"Oh..." said Kira.

"But," said Kobra, "What about a neutral party who has nothing to do with this revolution?"

"Well," replied Darrius, "That depends on how you view our methods. We're fighting a corrupt government, so we're like good guys."

"But," interrupted Dairou, "We did blow up several structures, so many see us as terrorists."

"It also depends on what realm you're from," said Darrius, "Most chaosrealmers support us..."

"Listen," said the Seidan guard, "We don't have all day! Are we gonna kill each other or not?"

"Alright! Resistance, here we go!"

The resistance army cheered loudly as they stormed the castle and began slaughtering the guards.

"VIVA LA REVOLUCION!" shouted Darrius as he decapitated two Seidan guards. Meanwhile, Dairou implaed three more guards.

Amidst all the chaos, Kabal, Kobra, and Kira managed to crawl their way out of the castle.

"Whew," said Kabal, "That was a close one."

"Seriously," said Kira, "You have the key?"

"Damn I forgot it inside," replied Kabal.

Kobra and Kira just stared angrily at him.

"HA!" said Kabal, holding up the key, "Kidding! Now, let's find that portal and get the fuck outta here!"

* * *

Mileena, still disguised as Kitana, lead Bo Rai Cho'd troops into a dark forest far from Onaga's castle.

"This place is creepy," complained Li Mei.

"Are you sure this is the way to the palace?" asked Bo.

"Oh," said Mileena, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing..."

The Tarkatan soldiers stood in the trees watching the army entering the forest. When Mileena gave the signal, they all came down and began to fight. In the end, they were all dead...And when I say "They" I mean the Tarkatan soldiers.

"Gentleman," shouted Bo, "We are victorious! And with few casualties!"

Everyone cheered. Mileena, who had been hiding in a bush during the whole battle emerged to see the good guys celebrating. All she could say was "Shit!"

"Princess," said Bo, "On behalf of the entire army, I thank you for your leadership!"

"Wha?" Mileena was sure that they would have eaten her alive for leading them into a trap.

"By leading us here," began Bo, "You have allowed us to free this forest from Tarkatan control and eliminate another threat to peace!"

"Um, you're welcome..." said Mileena.

"ALL HAIL PRINCESS KITANA!" shouted Bo' Rai Cho.

"ALL HAIL PRINCESS KITANA!" shouted the army.

At first Mileena did not know what to do. But then, it suddenly hit her - She was in control of the most powerful army in outworld. A big smile came upon her face...


	14. Chapter 13

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 13:**

"I love you so much, snigglebums," said the short, skinny man that sat on the park bench.

"I love you, too," said the large muscular man that sat with him.

They began to make out. Suddenly, Hotaru jumped out from behind a bush.

"HA!" he shouted, "I've got you now, Sub-Zero!"

"Woah, woah!" shouted the skinny man, "What the hell are you doing? And who the fuck is Sub-Zero?"

"Sorry," said Hotaru, "I just saw your blue shirt and I thought..."

"Did you say Sub-Zero?" asked the big man, "'Cuz I think we met him before, right Drahmin?"

"Um," said Drahmin, "I don't know...Refresh my memory, Moloch."

"He came by before and asked us for directions to the Sanazar forest," replied Moloch.

"Sanazar Forest?" asked Hotaru, "Shit! That's close to Onaga's palace. That bastard lead me in one giant circle!"

"Sorry to hear about that," said Drahmin, "Why are you looking for him anyways?"

"He's an enemy of the Dragon King," replied Hotaru, "And I must capture him."

"Cool," said Moloch, "But you can't do that without these!"

Moloch held out his hand. There was a tiny pill-like object on his palm.

"What is this?" asked Hotaru.

"Light capsules," said Drahmin, "You whip one of these babies to the floor, and there'll be an explosion of light powerful enough to blind anyone in close proximity for a few seconds."

"Sweet," said Hotaru, "Where did you find these?"

"That joke shop over there," said Moloch, pointing to a nearby shop.

"Oh..."

"Two dollars a pop," said Drahmin, "Sweet deal!"

"Right, well, thanks! Sub-Zero, here I come!"

Hotaru ran away.

"Great," said Drahmin, "He's finally gone. Now where were we, Snigglebums?"

The two continued to make out.

* * *

Mileena sat on her throne at Bo' Rai Cho's base as servants fanned her and gave her a foot massage. She was certainly living the high life.

"Servant!" shouted Mileena.

"Yes princess?" said a servant.

"I need a pedicure," replied Mileena, "Is it possible to schedule an appointment today?"

"Let's see," said the servant, pulling out a blackberry and looking through it, "You're pretty much booked today."

"Aww," said Mileena, "Alrighty then, cancel my hair appointment."

"Yes ma'am."

Just then, another servant entered the room.

"Princess Kitana," said the servant, "We must know when to initiate our next attack on the Dragon King."

"Um," said Mileena, "I don't know. Can you please bother me in like, 10 minutes?"

"Ma'am," said the servant, "If we don't attack, those Tarkatan soldiers will come for us!"

"Don't worry, as long as I'm here, Baraka won't..."

Mileena's eyes widened.

"Everybody leave!" she shouted.

"But..."

"LEAVE!"

The servants obeyed. Mileena stood up and began pacing.

"I can't do this," said Mileena, "Not as long as my lover continues to pledge allegiance to Onaga. He's my enemy! But how can I leave my post as Princess? I loooove being princess!"

After a few minutes, Mileena came to a decision.

"I have no choice..." she whispered, "I have to kill Baraka!"

Mileena charged out of the room before the servants could stop her, or figure out why she left, Mileena was long gone. She ran through Outworld looking for Onaga's castle.

* * *

"BULLSHIT!" shouted Johnny Cage.

"No, Johnny!" said Onaga, "We're playing Black Jack, not Bullshit."

"BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!" continued Johnny.

"You fucking slaves are hopeless," said Onaga, "I can't even get Jax to finish that game of Jenga! JAX! For the last time, put the damn blocks away, I'm not playing anymore! And they're NOT dominoes!"

Just then, Baraka walked into the game room.

"Sir," said Baraka, "I'm concerned. Mileena has been missing for days. I think she's in danger!"

"Uh-huh," said Onaga.

"You don't even care!"

"Of course I don't! I barely know Mileena. What difference does it make if she's dead?"

"I'll tell you: She's my everything! She's my life! The air that I breathe...My greatest love! I can't think of anymore cheesy things to say!"

Onaga nodded.

"Mileena may not be important to you, but I'll have you know I have not heard from my 10th division either. And I know for a fact that you need my army to defeat the enemies."

"Alright," said Onaga, "I'll let you go out and search for them. But you'll have to leave someone in charge of the army while you are gone."

"Fine then," said Baraka, "You there!"

A random Tarkata that had just walked into the room approached Baraka.

"What's your name?" asked Baraka.

"Leo," replied the guard.

Baraka took off his armor and placed it onto Leo.

"You're in charge while I'm gone, Leo. Say, has anyone ever said you look just like me?"

Leo shook his head.

"Well," said Baraka, "You do. Now, run off and do whatever."

"Yessir!" Leo did as he was told.

"Now sir," said Baraka, "I'm off to find my troops and Mileena. See ya!" Baraka left.

"Yes, yes," said Onaga, "Bye. Oy, Jax! Stop putting those Jenga blocks in your ears!"

* * *

Kabal, Kobra and Kira opened the door of Havik's house and walked into the living room.

"Ah," said Havik, who was chugging down a hamburger slurpie, "Welcome back. You had a fun adventure, I assume?"

"Hell no!" said Kabal, "We got captured, thrown in jail, chased around and nearly killed by some resistance! You din't say anything about a civil war going on up there!"

"Oh yeah," said Havik, "The Seidan Revolution...That's what I was forgetting to tell you. My bad."

"Right," said Kabal, "Well, here's your stupid key. Now, can we go to Outworld?"

"First," began Havik, "I must test the key out."

"But you said..."

"I lied. This key doesn't have anything to do with Onaga. All it does is unlock this..."

Havik pointed to a small brown chest.

"And that is..." said Kabal.

"Only the greatest treasure known to man," said Havik as he inserted the key and opened the chest.

As the chest slowly opened, the Black Dragon gathered up to get a look inside. There was nothing inside except for...A bag of Doritos?

"Doritos," said Kabal, "We risked our lives for a bag of Doritos?"

"Yeah," said Kobra, "What gives?"

"These aren't just any Doritos," said Havik, "These are 'Nuclear-Nacho' variety, the spiciest chips in the universe!"

"Oh! Oh!" said Kobra, "Let me try one!"

Kobra put a chip in his mouth.

"Meh," he said, "They're not so...AAAAAAAHHHH! OOOOOOOOOOHHHH! THE PAAAIN!"

"Damn," said Kira, taking a bite, "They sure pack a punch."

"And too think," said Havik, "I found this baby on the side of the road in Outworld. It must fallen out of a Seidan Delivery truck while it was passing through."

"Unbelievable!" shouted Kabal, "Do any of you realize how stupid you are? WE'RE WASTING OUR TIME AND EFFORT ON FUCKING CHIPS!"

"Geez," said Havik, "Calm down. With that thing on your face, the last thing you want is an asthma attack!"

"Please," said Kabal, trying to calm down, "Just take us to Onaga's palace."

"Alright," said Havik, "But first, I must talk to you in private, Kabal."

Kabal and Havik stepped outside.

"Whatever this is," began Kabal, "I'm not doing anymore favours for you. I am fed up!"

"Sure whatever," said Havik, "Listen. I evaluated your recruits' performances during training and..."

"And?"

"They are both exceptional warriors and skilled combatants. The only problem is that as a team they do not work well together."

"What are you talking about? They're like siblings!"

"Yes, but they have completely different mindsets, and in the face of danger, they would hold each other back. As the leader of this new Black Dragon, I suggest you fix this problem to ensure the Black Dragon's future, or else..."

"Or else what?"

"Or else one of them will have to leave."

"And how do I decide which one leaves?"

"Easy. It's the answer to almost every problem in this entire franchise...Mortal Kombat."


	15. Chapter 14

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 14:**

Mileena secretly entered the palace and climbed to the second floor, where she searched for Baraka. She found him in his room. Mileena slowly approached him.

"Baraka," she whispered.

Baraka turned around and tried to speak, but she placed her finger on his mouth.

"Shhh..." she said, "I know I've been gone for a while. I'm sorry to say your entire division is dead. But now, listen: I've found a new home somewhere else. Somewhere I know you would never go to, Baraka."

Baraka again tried to speak, but Mileena interrupted.

"There's so much oppurtunity for me on the other side. But, now that I'm with them, we can never be together anymore."

Baraka opened his mouth, but...

"That doesn't mean I'll forget all the good times we had together. Especially the sex. I mean that was like, 'Woah!' I never felt anything like that in my 10 000 years existence! Like a tiger you were..."

Baraka put on a strange face.

"Um, anyways, I'll always love you, Baraka," Mileena then moved in closer and gave Baraka a long kiss, "But now, it's time to die!"

Baraka's face went from happy to horror-stricken in less than a second. Before he could do anything, Mileena kicked Baraka right in the chest, knocking him backwards. He was able to tear off a piece of Mileena's clothing before falling through the large glass window. There was a loud "Thud!" Mileena looked out the window and saw Baraka lying in a bloody pool on the palace grounds. Mileena smiled and ran away. Now, Bo Rai Cho's armies were unstoppable.

* * *

Kobra and Kira sat outside in Havik's backyard, talking.

"Did you catch _House_ the other day?" asked Kobra.

"It's kinda hard to watch T.V. when you're on the road a lot," said Kira, "But yeah, I saw it. It was fucked up, man!"

"Yeah, I know," said Kobra, "Hey did you know they're planning on making a spin-off series called _Wilson_ _M.D._?"

"Come on," said Kira, "Wilson? You're kidding me!"

"It's just a rumor," said Kobra.

Just then, Kabal stepped outside and approached the two.

"Listen up," he said, "I have something important to tell you."

Kobra and Kira gathered up near Kabal.

"I have no other way to put this," said Kabal, "I've really enjoyed my time with the both of you and these past few weeks..."

"Out with it," snapped Kira.

"Alright, alright," said Kabal, "One of you has to leave the Black Dragon."

"Which one?" asked Kobra.

"That's it," said Kabal, "I'm organizing a battle. Both of you must fight each other to the death to determine who is worthy enough to stay. What do you say?"

"Okay," said Kobra.

"Sounds good to me," said Kira.

"You guys are okay with it?" asked Kabal, "I mean, you're not upset?"

"Hell no," said Kobra, "You forget. We're cold-hearted compulsive killers."

"True," said Kabal, "Okay then. The fight will take place at dusk! I expect both of you to meet me here then!"

Kobra and Kira nodded.

* * *

Hotaru made his way through the thick forest. From behind a large bush, he watched Sub-Zero sitting by a large campfire, resting. Hotaru smiled.

"Ha!" he whispered, "I've got you now, ya bastard! HIYAYAYAYA!"

Hotaur jumped from behind the bush and ran towards Sub-Zero. Before the ninja could do anything, Hotaru threw several light capsules to the floor. The reulting explosion of light blinded Sub-Zero. Unfortunately, Hotaru forgot to shield his own eyes, and was blinded as well.

"Damn you," said Hotaru, "You're gonna pay! I'll get you!"

"Not if you can't find me!" said Sub-Zero, who then ran into a tree.

"HA! TAKE THIS!" Hotaru tried to stab Sub-Zero with his naginata, but instead impaled a tree.

Sub-Zero then tried to strike Hotaru with his Kori blade, but wound up hitting a rock.

"Damn it," said Sub-Zero, "Is this your head or your ass that I just hit?"

The two fumbled around, completely blind for several minutes, slashing the air until Hotaru's eyesight returned, and he successfully knocked Sub-Zero to the ground. The ninja's eyesight returned just in time to see the Seidan standing above him with a naginata pointed at his face.

"Surrender," said Hotaru, "And come with me!"

"Never!" said Sub-Zero.

"Bold indeed," said Hotaru, "But foolish! Now you're gonna die for your crimes against the Dragon King!"

Hotaru raised his naginata high in the air and prepared to impale Sub-Zero, but suddenly, he stopped.

"I've got a 'splitting' headache," said Hotaru.

Immediately after saying that, Hotaru split vertically in two and each half fell to the floor. Behind Hotaru stood the Blind swordsman, Kenshi, holding a bloody katana.

"Kenshi! Not a moment too soon," said Sub-Zero.

"Jesus," said Kenshi, "Can't I got into the woods for five minutes to take a piss without you getting into some kind of trouble?"

Kenshi helped Sub-Zero up and the two left the forest.


	16. Chapter 15

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 15: **

Baraka came running into the grounds of Onaga's palace. There, he saw Onaga, Tanya, and a small of group of Taraktan guards standing around with concerned looks on their faces. Baraka prayed to God this wasn't about that toilet he blocked before leaving.

"You paged me, sir?" asked Baraka.

"Yes," replied Onaga, "We have something terrible to show you."

Onaga and the rest traveled to the other end of the palace. There, on the cement ground, lay Leo's corpse surrounded by blood and glass shards.

"What the?..." said Baraka.

"We believe it's a murder," said Onaga, calmly, "We don't know who could have done such a thing."

"Wasn't me," said Tanya.

"Tanya," said Onaga, "No one's blaming you, so shut up!"

Baraka said nothing. Instead, he slowly approached Leo's body and bent down to inspect it. In Leo's hand was a piece of purple cloth. Baraka picked it up and smelled it.

"Mileena..." he muttered.

"Mileena?" said Onaga, "But why would she do this?"

Baraka thought for a moment.

"She was coming after me," he said, "She must have mistook Leo for me because he was wearing my armor...And because he looked like me."

"No offense," said Tanya, "But you Tarkies all kinda look alike..."

"Tanya!" snapped Onaga.

"Grrrr..." said Baraka, "That two-timing bitch!"

"Oh!" said Tanya, "Looks like that wedding's off!"

Baraka simply punched Tanya in the face.

"BARAKA!" said Onaga, "How dare you?"

Baraka ingnored Onaga. "That whore is gonna pay!"

Baraka charged out of the palace grounds and ran back into the forest, despite Onaga's attempt to stop him.

"Geez," said Tanya, standing up and wiping the blood from her mouth, "What's his problem?"

"Tanya," said Onaga, "For the last time, please shut up! I'm stressed enough as it is, and now I have to worry about a crazed Tarkata! Just go inside and get back to work."

"But I'm on break!" said Tanya.

"Then go inside and...Drink coffee or eat donuts or something!"

Tanya walked inside. Onaga sat there, wondering what he was going to do with Baraka when he got back.

* * *

The Black Dragon found themselves in a small patch of land in the middle of the desert. Kabal stood on the side, holding his hookswords high into the air as Kobra and Kira readied themselves for a fight.

"All right," said Kabal, "Let me go over the rules...The last one alive is the winner. There will be no hitting below the belt. However, that rule does not apply to Kira, since she is a woman, and to Kobra because he is not wearing a belt. Also, I discourage pulling of the hair...Unless you are preparing for some hair-related fatality."

"Is that it?" asked Kobra.

"Yes," said Kabal, "You may begin at the count of 1...2...3!"

Kabal lowered his hookswords and the fight began.

Kira and Kobra circled each other for a while as they glared into each other's eyesSuddenly, Kobra charged at Kira and performed a Frankensteiner that knocked her to the floor.

"Oooooh!" shouted Kabal, "She didn't see that coming!"

Kira quickly stood up and grabbed Kobra. She performed a choke hold on Kobra that caused him to gasp for air. She then slammed him to the ground.

"Oh no, she di'int!" said Kabal.

Kobra charged at Kira and performed a T-Bone supplex on her. As Kira rolled around on the floor in pain, Kobra stood onto a small rock and raised his hands, giving a victory cry. He then leapt into the air and attempted to bodyslam Kira, but she managed to roll out of the way, causing Kobra to hit the hard ground.

"OUCH!" shouted Kabal.

The two then wrestled it out for a few minutes. Kira performed a Tombstone piledriver that knocked Kobra to the floor.

"Oh!" said Kabal, "Dat's gotta hurt!"

Kobra then tackled Kira to the floor and knelt on her stomach.

"Ha!" said Kobra, "Take that, biatch!"

Kobra then punched Kira in the face a couple of times. Just as Kobra was about to punch her again, she spat some blood in his eyes.

"OHHHHH, GOD!" screamed Kobra, "OH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

"Alright," said Kabal, "This is really going nowhere. I give you permission to use your weapons. Just end this fight, please!"

Kobra pulled out his kali sticks while Kira pulled out her Dragon teeth. The two held up their weapons, ready to strike. It was anyone's fight now...

All of a sudden, Kobra lowered his weapons.

"What gives?" asked Kira.

"I can't do it," replied Kobra, "I can't fight Kira. We've been through so much together and I feel we've grown to be more than just friends."

"The fuck are you talking about?" demanded Kabal, "Fight! Fight!"

"I'm not gonna fight," said Kobra, "Kira, you don't know how strong my feelings are for you. Let's run away together and we'll share a beautiful life..."

Just then, Kira ran up to Kobra and stabbed him with her knife. Kobra died instantly.

"Stupid fucker," said Kira.

"The winner," announced Kabal, "And champion of the Black Dragon, KIRA!"

Kira blew kisses to an imaginary audience.

"Congratulations," said Kabal, "You're now an offiicial member of the Black Dragon."

"Thanks," said Kira smiling.

Kabal then hugged Kira. The two left Kobra's bloody body behind began to head back to Havik's house so they could prepare to travel to Outworld.

"Kobra would have never made it," said Kira.

"Yeah seriously," replied Kabal.


	17. Chapter 16

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 16:**

Mileena lead Bo' Rai Cho and his army through the thick forest on the way to Onaga's palace where the final battle was to take place.

"Princess," said Bo, "Are you positive that we are ready to attack Onaga's castle?"

"Of course!" said Mileena, "I know for a fact that their general is dead. Without him, the army will be useless! Then, we can win the war, and we'll celebrate by building me a huge castle in Edenia, and maybe one in Outworld as well, and I will live in it and people will worship me again!"

Li Mei and Bo' Rai Cho gave each other a weird look.

"Um, guys," said Mileena, "Will you excuse me for a minute? I have to go the woods to um...you know..."

"Oh," said Bo, "Well, here are some leaves!"

"Ew," said Mileena, "I just have to do #1."

Mileena ran into the trees, looking for a place to pee. Meanwhile, Baraka, who was hiding in a tree, carefully watched her every move.

"Ah," he said, "There's that little tramp now!"

Baraka then leapt from the tree and landed in front of Mileena.

"EEK!" screamed Mileena, "I mean, HI Baraka! How's it going? I missed you so much! No hard feelings?"

Baraka pointed his elbow blade at Mileena's face.

"Shut up, you stupid bitch," said Baraka, "I know you tired to kill me. Unfortunately, you only killed my double!"

"You have a double?" asked Mileena.

"Actually," said Baraka, "He's just some guy who looks like me and was wearing my clothes...But that's not the point! Tell me what happened to my army!"

"Um," said Mileena, "They're hiding..."

"LIAR!"

"Okay! Okay!" said Mileena, "They're all dead. But don't you see? It's the heroes that will win this war! They are far more powerful than we thought. And plus, I get to be princess! Don't you know how that feels?"

"Um, I'm a guy..."

"I know...I mean, the power, the glory, the people worshipping you. You don't know what that's like!"

"Actually," said Baraka, "When I was a kid, I had this treehouse in my backyard. Me and my brothers used to play 'fort' in it all the time. We would wage war against the neighbourhood kids for control of the treehouse and bomb them with water balloons. Then we started bombing them with rocks, bottle rockets, and glass shards, but that's not the point. The point is that whenever I was up in that tree house, I felt like I was king of the world. But I was consumed with power. I got greedy and paranoid and eventually killed my 3 brothers shortly after I hit puberty and sprouted my first ellbow blades. I had to find a place to hide the bodies and lie to my parents, and then I had to kill my neighbour because he saw me...Um, but anyways, the point is: Power can make you do crazy things."

"So," said Mileena, "You understand?"

"Of course I do," replied Baraka, "But that still doesn't give you a right to kill me!"

Baraka then raised his elbow blade in the air. Mileena screamed for her life and tried to run, but Baraka succeeded in slashing Mileena in the gut, causing the top half of her torso to break off and fall to the floor. Baraka watched the bloody top half of Mileena crawl across the floor. She said nothing, but she stretched out her hand. Baraka held out his hand and she tried to grab it. Instead of taking Mileena's hand, Baraka simply stabbed her some more.

"Stupid bitch," he muttered.

Just then, he heard a noise. Bo' Rai Cho and friends had heard Mileena scream and were looking for her. Baraka hid behind a bush.

"Princess?" said Bo, "Oh my God! Princess Kitana!"

Bo ran up to Mileena's mutilated body and knelt beside it, crying.

"What have they done to you?" screamed the fat drunkard, "Oh what have they done?"

"Sir," said Li Mei, "Now what are we gonna do?"

"We must continue the invasion," replied Bo, wiping his eyes, "We must avenge our princess and KILL every Tarakata!"

The army cheered and began to head towards the palace. Baraka gulped.

"We're screwed," he muttered.

Baraka then ran from the bush and headed towards the palace as well.

* * *

Onaga sat in his office working very hard on the computer.

"Damn _Wikipedia_," muttered the Dragon King, "My first appearence was not _MK4_! I can't believe I always have to edit this shit!"

"SIR! SIR!" shouted Baraka, who came running into the room.

"Baraka!" said Onaga, "How dare you show your face here again after..."

"Sir," began Baraka, "I know you're mad, but there's no time for chit-chat right now. Bo' Rai Cho and his gang are on their way right this minute! And they are _pissed!_"

"Fuck! How close are they?"

"Like, less than a mile away!"

"Then, we must gather up whatever troops we have left. Call all the guards, soldiers, whatever! We have to win this!"

"Yessir!" Baraka left.

"If it's a war they want, it's a war they'll get," said Onaga, "Time for the final showdown!"


	18. Chapter 17

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 17:**

A large swarm of Tarkatan soldiers stood on the palace grounds, facing the entrance. Onaga stood on a balcony high up on the castle, observing. After a few minutes, Bo' Rai Cho and his army finally arrived.

"HA!" shouted Onaga, "You've arrived. You finally had the courage to face me at my palace!"

"You're fighting a losing battle," said Bo, "Step down right now, while you still have the chance, Onaga!"

"What's the rush?" asked Onaga, "Why don't you stay a while, smell the flowers, take a look at my beautiful garden, get to know some of my Tarkatan soldiers."

"Forget it!" said Bo, "If you refuse to surrender, then we must destroy you once and for all!"

"Don't forget to count me in!" said a voice.

Just then, Sub-Zero walked onto the battlefield.

"After the day I buried Frost," began Sub-Zero, "And after I found out my friends had all been killed by the Deadly Alliance, I tried to escape from this realm and return to my home. But now I realized I'm here for a reason. It is my duty to rid this realm of the Tarkata. Let me fight with you, Bo, and I will finally avenge my friends!"

The two shook hands.

"What?" said Baraka, who was at the front line of the Tarkata, "What happened to Hotaru? He was supposed to kill you!"

"Hotaru?" said Sub-Zero, "I'm afraid he had to 'split'."

"Grrr...You're gonna pay!"

The Tarkata and the humans braced themselves. Within a few seconds, the battle began. Bo pulled out his jojutsu and impaled an oncoming Tarkata. Li Mei swung around her dao, decapitating several more Tarkata. Sub-Zero fired several freeze blasts at a group of soldiers. Meanwhile, Baraka was performing his usual acrobatics, jumping in the air and slicing people around. A big fat soldier charged at Baraka. Baraka rolled on the floor and impaled him in the gut, then lifted him up into the air and tossed him into another group of soldiers. A man then grabbed Baraka and wrapped his arm around Baraka's head.

"I've got you now, Tarkatan scum," said the man.

Baraka then elbowed him in the gut. Baraka opened his mouth and sank his teeth into the man's neck and violently tore his head off.

"Thanks for teaching me that, Mileena," said Baraka, wiping the blood from his chin.

As the bloody battle raged on, Onaga ran inside to prepare to fuse the Kamigodu. Most of the text had been decoded at this point. He quickly paged Tanya in her office.

Meanwhile, on the battlefield, Bo' Rai Cho found himself surrounded by Tarkata.

"You're screwed now," said one of them.

Bo laughed. he chugged down some rice wine and puked all over the ground. As the Tarkata approached him, they all slipped and fell. Bo used this oppurtunity to kill them all.

"Grr..." said a Tarkata, "You'll pay for that!"

But before the soldier could do anything, Bo leapt into the air and body-slammed him to death.

Meanwhile, Sub-Zero just finished impaling some Tarkata with iciles when he saw Baraka nearby stabbing a soldier to death. Baraka noticed Sub-Zero and the two eyed each other for a bit.

"Time to die, Mr. Freeze!" said Baraka.

"Not if I give you the cold shoulder first!" replied Subby.

The ninja then rammed right into Baraka sending flying into the wall of the palace.

* * *

Tanya walked down the dungeon corridors. She received the page from Onaga, but was unwilling to do anything unless she had a nice mug of coffee. As unconviently as possible, the coffee machine was down in the dungeons.

"Pffft," said Tanya, "This is so fucking annoying having to come down here..."

She passed by several cells until she arrived at Jade and Sindel's...Only, the cell was empty, and the lock had been picked.

"Wha?..." said Tanya, "Isn't someone...Oh shit!"

Tanya began to run the other way, looking for where they could have gone. Just as Tanya was about to leave the dungeon, a foot suddenly flew up into the air and struck her in the face.

"Give it up, Tanya, you're finished!" said Jade, who had been hiding in the corner, waiting for Tanya.

"You bitch," said Tanya, spitting out a couple of teeth, "I'm gonna kick your ass once and for all!"

The two got into fighting stance. Tanya began by punching Jade several times, but each hit was blocked Jade performed a roundhouse kick, but Tanya backflipped to avoid it.

"Ha!" said Tanya, "Good one, bitch! But not good enough!"

Tanya then ran up to Jade. Thinking she was going to punch, Jade ducked, but instead, Tanya elbowed Jade in the face, giving her a small cut above her eye.

"Had enough?" asked Tanya.

"Hell no!" replied Jade, "I'm just getting started!"

The two ran up to each other and punched and kicked for several minutes. Suddenly Jade kicked Tanya in the stomach, sending her right into the wall.

"Bitch..." muttered Tanya.

* * *

Baraka stumbled around as Sub-Zero approached him.

"That was cheap!" said Baraka, "You're gonna pay for that, _Shredder!_"

"Oh really?" said Subby.

He then fired a ginat ice ball at Baraka, but he dodged it.

"Now you're asking for it!" said Baraka, unsheathing his elbow blades.

The Tarkata charged at Sub-Zero. The ice ninja made a giant kori blade and used it to deflect the elbow blades. The two fought viciously with their weapons, and it seemed that Baraka was gaining the upper hand...

"Take that!" said Baraka.

"Think again!" said Subby, as he threw himself to the floor and did a spin kick that knocked Baraka to the floor.

"Grrr..."

Baraka stood up and attacked the ninja again. Baraka leapt into the air and drove his blades into the kori blade, shattering it.

"Ha! Now you're weaponless!"

"Idiot," said Subby, "I can easily make more!"

Sub-Zero made two small blades instead of his big fat sword.

"Now we're a little more even" he said.

Baraka charged at the ninja again, and the two fought. The two held their blades up against each other and desperately pushed each other. All of a sudden, Sub-Zero headbutted Baraka, causing him to stumble backwards. Sub-Zero charged up another big ice blast and fired.

"Ack!" said Baraka. He dodged the shot again. Only this time, the beam traveled upwards. "What the...You dumbass! You completely missed me!"

"Are you sure about that?" said Sub-Zero.

Baraka looked up and saw that Sub-Zero had frozen the large balcony overhead. With the extra weight of the ice, the blacony began to crack and break off the castle wall. Baraka said nothing as tons of stone and ice came crashing down on his head, killing him. Sub-Zero smiled under his mask and returned to the battle.

Back in the dungeons, the two Edenians continued their brutal battle. Tanya leapt into the air and tried kick Jade in the face, but Jade threw herself tot he floor to dodge. Tanya attempted to stomp on Jade, but missed. Instead, Jade grabbed Tanya's leg and she fell to the floor. Both combatants rolled around on the floor trying to wrestle each other down.

"I got you now!" said Tanya.

"Wrong!" said Jade, who broke free from Tanya's grip.

They both stood up and eyed each other. Suddenly, Tanya delivered a powerful kick. Unfortunately, Jade managed to catch her foot with her hands and held her leg up. Jade then raised her fist in the air and slammed it down onto Tanya's leg. A loud "Crack!" could be heard throughout the dungeons, followed by Tanya screaming in agony. Jade then kicked Tanya in the stomach, forcing her right abck up against the wall.

"You fucking stupid cunt!" snapped Tanya, "I think my leg is broken!"

"I guess now we know who the better fighter is," said Jade.

"That's only 'cuz you payed more attention in martial arts school!"

"Ah yes..." began Jade, "The good old Edenian School of Combat. Remember those days?"

"Yeah, they were great," replied Tanya, "And remember our teacher? He was a real hunk Rrrrrr..."

"I think he had a thing for me, though..."

"Alright! Enough fraterizing! We're enemies!"

"Right! It's time for me to get rid of you, once and for all!"

"Wait...You're gonna kill me? Whatever happened to the peaceful Edenian way? You guys are all about proper justice!"

"Screw that! You've betrayed our realm far too many times. Plus, we're not in Edenia right now. So, prepare to die!"

"I just gotta do soemthing first..."

Tanya pulled out a small electronic device and pushed the button on it. Suddenly, three Tarkatan guards entered the room and surrounded Jade.

"Hey!" said Jade, "You're not playing fair!"

"Aw, Boo-hoo," chuckled Tanya, as she limped towards Jade, "Haven't you realized I'm all about fighting dirty?"

"Whore..." muttered Jade, "I thought all the Tarkata were outside fighting!"

"Onaga left three behind to watch the castle," replied Tanya, "You know, just in case." Tanya laughed. "Now any last words before I have these lucky boys here kill you?"

"No," said Jade, smiling, "But I have something to give you!"

Jade shoved her hand into her thong and pulled out a small orb, whiche she hurled at Tanya. The orb hit the ground and shattered, sending a sticky substance all over Tanya.

"Ewww..." said Tanya, "The fuck is this?"

"What's that smell?" said a Tarkata.

"It smells like...Sponge cake!" said another.

Tanya gasped. "You threw sponge cake batter all over me? Grr...Now you're gonna get it! Kill her! Kill her!"

But the the Tarkata did nothing.

"What are you doing?" demanded Tanya.

"I'm getting mighty hungry," said the Tarkata, "And she smells pretty damn good!"

The Tarkata licked their lips and began to approach Tanya.

"Idiots!" said Tanya, "Don't come after me! Go for her! HER!"

But Jade was already on her way out of the dungeons. Tanya could not run because of her leg. In a few seconds, Tanya found herself being tackled to the floor and eaten alive by the 3 Tarkata. All Tanya could think of as they tore her apart was:

_"I completely regret joining the Dragon King..."_


	19. Chapter 18

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!**

**Chapter 18:**

Onaga stood in the main room of his castle staring at his amulet and the 6 Kamigodu that surrounded the room.

"Where the fuck is Tanya with the instructions?" he asked.

Suddenly, he heard a noise. He turned to the door at the left and saw Jade and Queen Sindel.

"Give it up, Onaga," said Jade, "Tanya's dead and your Tarkata are losing!"

"And I destroyed every computer in your office," said Sindel, "So you can't use the ancient texts!"

"This can't be!" said Onaga.

"But it is," said Jade, "And after we kill you, we're gonna return to Edenia and free it from your filthy control!"

"Not if I destroy you first!" said Onaga.

Just then, Ermac, followed by Onaga's slaves entered the room.

"My slaves," said Onaga, "Help me fight them!"

"We're never gonna help you," said Johnny, "But we're gonna destroy you!"

"We have freed your slaves from your control with the help of Liu Kang's ghost," said Ermac.

"Yeah," said Johnny, "Now we're gonna kick your ass for forcing us to play boring board games!"

"You remember those things?" asked Onaga, "Bah! It doesn't matter. I'll just destroy you all!"

Just then, the doors swung open, and a tall Native American man was standing at the entrance.

"Onaga," said the man, "I am Nightwolf, and you will pay for trying to conquer the realms!"

"Have we met before?" asked Onaga, "'Cuz I don't remember you."

Just then, the doors swung open again, this time, revealing an old Japanese man.

"Onaga," Shujinko said, "As champion of the Elder Gods, it is my duty to defeat you!"

"Oh yeah," said Onaga, "I remember you. You're that guy I deceived for 50 years into reviving me!"

The doors swung open yet again.

"Idiot!" said Scorpion, "I am the true champion of the Elder Gods! You're just a dumb retard!"

"Hey," said Onaga, "I think this is a bit too many enemies now..."

The wall suddenly burst open, revealing Shao Kahn and Goro.

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed Kahn, "I have come to destroy you and reclaim my throne!"

"And I'm helping," said Goro proudly.

"Geez," said Onaga, "This is a bit too unfair now! Are there any more enemies?"

The doors burst open again, and this time, it was Link.

"Ganondorf!" announced Link, "I have come to defeat you and save Princess Zelda!"

"Um," said Onaga, pointing, "Hyrule is that way..."

"Whoops," said Link, leaving.

"Give it up," said Sonya, "You're severly outnumbered!"

"I don't care!" said Onaga, "I'll still kill you all! You'll see!"

Everyone prepared to attack, but suddenly, a bright light appeared behind Onaga. He turned around to see who it was. It was Raiden, god of thunder, looking pretty pissed.

"Onaga," boomed Raiden, "You will pay for endangering Earthrealm. As protecter of that realm, I will protect it at all costs! Even if it means destroying Earthrealm!"

"Um..." said Onaga.

Raiden suddenly punched Onaga in the gut, sending him flying across the room and into the opposite wall.

"And when I'm done with him," began Raiden, "I'm coming for you, Shujinko!"

"EEK!" said Shujinko, hiding behind Scorpion.

"Damn," said Onaga, wiping some blood from his mouth, "It has been a long time since I've seen my own blood. No wait, I saw it yesterday, when I cut myself while shaving."

"I don't get it," said Jade, "If that's Reptile's body, shouldn't his blood be green instead of red?"

"Some mysteries are better left unsolved," said Kung Lao.

Onaga approached Raiden.

"You're gonna pay for that, Raidy," said Onaga.

Raiden smirked. Suddenly, Onaga charged for Raiden and the two began to fight viciously. Onaga clawed Raiden in the face, while Raiden sent a thunderpunch to Onaga's head. They then started grappling. Meanwhile, on the sidelines, the others were watching and eating popcorn.

"This is great," said Kahn, "You don't see stuff like this everyday!"

"It would be better if we had those 3-D glasses," said Jade.

"Listen," said Nightwolf, "We can't just sit around and do nothing."

"Chief know-it-all is right," said Scorpion, "I didn't come all the way here just to sit on my ass! We gotta do something!"

"Then we have to destroy the Kamigodu," said Shujinko, "As they are the source of his power!"

"Let's go!" announced Johnny.

He then ran up to one of the Kamigodu and tried to whack it with his nunchuck, but it was so strong, that the nunchuck bounced off and struck Johnny in the face.

"Ow," said Johnny, rubbing his face.

"That's not the way you do it!" said Nightwolf.

He pulled out his magic bow and fired a giant arrow at the Kamigodu, shattering it to a million pieces. Onaga then fell over as if he had been injured directly.

"It's working!" said Sonya.

Meanwhile, the fight between Onaga and Raiden grew more intense. Raiden picked Onaga up and performed a back-breaker on him. From the ground, Onaga delivered a kick to Raiden's stomach that sent him flying to the ceiling. The thundergod fired a beam of electricity that nearly blew Onaga up.

"HIYA!" Shao Kahn lifted his hammer into the air and slammed it down onto the red Kamigodu, shattering it. Again, Onaga fell over. Sindel fired an energy beam that shattered the green Kamigodu. They all worked hard to destroy the others.

"Just one more," said Goro.

"Sweet," said Nightwolf, "I'll get it!"

"You already got one," said Sonya angrily, "My turn!"

She then pushed passed him and ran towards it.

"Oh no you don't," said Kahn, "It's mine!"

Goro then grabbed Sonya and threw her aside, allowing Kahn to run past and approach it. Suddenly, Shujinko slipped under Kahn's legs and popped up in front of him.

"Looks like I'm gonna be the hero here," he said.

From behind, Scorpion fired his spear, which lodged itself into Shujinko's shoulder. He then pulled Shujinko away from the Kamigodu. Amidst the chaos, Kitana managed to get near the Kamigodu.

"Finally," she muttered.

Suddenly, Johnny tackled her, causing her to hit the pedestal the Kamigodu rested on.

"Johnny," snapped Kitana, "You fucker! We're on the same team!"

"Sorry," said Johnny, "I got too into it!"

The pedestal that Kitana hit suddenly fell over and the Kamigodu rolled across the floor.

"Look," said Jax, "It's getting away!"

The combatants all went after it at once, but they wound up piling on top of each other, struggling to be the first to reach the Kamigodu. However, Ermac was able to teleport out of the pile and pop up right next to the orb.

"Time to end this!" he shouted.

Ermac then fired a big green energy ball that destroyed the final Kamigodu. With all of them gone, Onaga was powerless.

"NOOOO!" shouted Onaga, approaching the red ninja.

All of a sudden, Raiden thrusted both his hands into Onaga's back and lifted him up into the air. Raiden slowly began pumping electricity into Onaga.

"Shocking, isn't it?" joked Raiden.

Onaga finally died. Raiden tossed the corpse aside.

"Geez," said Kung Lao, "That was intense!"

"Tell me about it!" said Shujinko, "This bastard fired a spear into my arm!"

"Sorry," said Scorpion, "We cool?"

Shujinko ignored the ninja spectre and walked off, holding the damaged shoulder.

"Now," said Raiden, "Let this be a lesson to whoever wants to mess with Earthrealm!"

Suddenly, Raiden opened his mouth, and a giant ball of white light popped out and hovered in the air. Raiden fell to the floor, unconscious.

"What is that?" asked Jade.

"I am the One Being," replied the ball of light, "I have been living inside of Raiden for the past few months!"

"You've been living in Raiden?" asked Shujinko, "So that's why he was all crazy!"

"Um," said the One Being, "No. I was never manipulating him or anything. He was just having a really bad day."

"Oh..."

"Allow me to tell you my story," said the One Being, "I am the creator of this universe. Everything you see around was from my wonderous imagination. Then I got bored so I created some little children, who would grow up to become Elder Gods. I became a little greedy, so I began sucking out their life force to become more powerful and to prevent them from growing up. (Because their so cute when they're young) Anyways, they eventually caught on to what I was doing, so they had this whole revolt, and they stripped me of my power and took over my universe and fed you all this cock-and-bull story that they created it, and blah, blah, blah! Of course, without me holding it together, the universe broke up into several realms. I became lost in these realms, doomed to spend the rest of my existence as a floating ball of light. Over time, I developped some power, which I used to manipulate events around the universe in my favor. The war against Shinnok, Shao Kahn's rise to power, the Deadly Alliance, and the return of the Dragon King were all my doing, so that I may one day get a hold of the amulet and the Kamigodu. Only then, can I restore myself and the universe into its former glory!"

"Why did you have to do all that?" asked Scorpion, "Wouldn't it have been easier to just manipulate the realms into going back together?"

"Idiot!" said the One Being, "It's not as easy as it sounds! Plus I like to make things complicated."

"But," said Johnny, "How are you going to fuse the realms if the Kamigodu are destroyed?"

"That's the thing!" said the One Being, "I've lost this battle! Everything I've worked so hard for is over!"

The heroes cheered.

"That doesn't stop me from killing you, though!"

The heroes stopped cheering.

"HA! HA! HA! HA!" laughed the One Being, "Feel my wrath!"

The One Being grew twice its size and began to move in closer to the heroes. They did not know how to defeat a giant ball of light. All hope seemed lost for them...

"URK!" screamed the One Being, "AAH! OHHH!"

"What's happening?" demanded Kahn.

"It's the creators of _Mortal Kombat_," replied the One Being, "They were too lazy to continue my storyline into _Armageddon_! It looks like it's the end for me...So long, warriors and good luck!"

There was a bright light, and then the One Being suddenly imploded.

"Cool," said Johnny.

"Now what?" asked Scorpion, "I'm bored."

"Well," said Shao Kahn, "On the way here, Goro and I saw this enormous pyramid sticking out of the ground. There was this big, flaming man at the top!"

"Pyramid?" asked Jax, "Flaming man? Ground? I gotta check this out!"

"Yeah!" said Sindel, "Let's all go!"

"Last one to the top is a rotten egg!" said Kahn.

The combatants ran out the door. A few hours later, Raiden awoke and also left.

_The End? Not quite..._


	20. Special Chapter

**Mortal Kombat: Decepetion Mayhem!!!!!**

**Chapter 19:**

Havik, Kabal and Kira walked through the thick forest where they eventually arrived at Onaga's castle. Havik was speaking on a cell phone.

"So what's happening up there?" asked Havik, "What...No, really? The resistance won?...Darrius is the king of Seido?...Damn! I gotta head up there one day and visit you guys...Yeah...Sure...Bye, man!"

Havik closed his phone.

"Is this it?" asked Kabal.

"Yup," replied Havik "Onaga's castle, abandoned, just as I predicted."

The trio headed onto the palace grounds. There were dead bodies everywhere. Every single Tarkatan soldier had been killed, and the good guys suddenly fled to the giant pyramid.

"Kira," said Kabal, "You stay at the entrance and warn us if someone comes."

"Yessir," said Kira.

Havik and kabal entered the palace slowly and made their way to the main throne room. It was all quiet. At the side of the room, was Onaga's dead body.

"Ah," said Havik, "Laid out just for us!"

Havik approached the body and pulled out a knife. He knelt down and began to cut through the body. Kabal looked away. No matter how many people he killed, autopsies still always grossed him out.

"Ooooh..." said Havik, "This motherfucker's got a big spleen!"

"Can you please hurry up?" asked Kabal.

"Yeah yeah! Hey check this out!"

Havik pulled out Onaga's intestines and began to swing them around like a lasso.

"Stop it!" snapped Kabal, "You're getting blood all over my vest!"

"Sheesh! Lighten up a bit, I'm having a little fun here."

"Can we please just get that heart and get outta here?"

Havik dug some more into Onaga's body and found the massive heart.

"Fresh out of the oven," joked Havik, "With this baby, I can finally ressurect Shao Kahn!"

"I'm really starting to doubt that Kahn can help the Black Dragon."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Well, if we are to live under Kahn's rule, then we'll have to work for him, the same way Kano did. And I don't want the Black Dragon being taken advantage of by some big-shot ruler. I want us to be an independent group. I want us to have control over ourselves."

"Well boo-freakin'-hoo! Now that I have the heart, we're ressurecting Kahn whether you like it or not. If you don't wanna serve him, well then tough. He'll kill you. Our universe needs chaos and anarchy. And only with Shao Kahn can we achieve that!"

"No," muttered Kabal, "We don't need anyone. Especially not you..."

Kabal slowly pulled out his hookswords and walked up to Havik, who was on his way out of the palace. Kabal quickly rammed the swords into Havik's back.

"OOOH!" screamed Havik, "OW! OH YEAH! That's the stuff! Gid I love pain!"

"Asshole," said Kabal.

He then pulled the hookswords out, ripping out a great deal of flesh as well.

"Ow," said Havik, "A little too much pain..."

He then died. Kabal bent down and picked up the heart before walking out of the palace.

"Hey," said Kira, who was at the entrance smoking, "I'm outta cigs."

"Well," said Kabal, "They don't sell them in Outoworld. We gotta go back to Earthrealm."

"Sure," said Kira, tossing away the butt, "Where's Havik?"

"I don't know," lied Kabal.

"You killed him didn't you? And you took the heart?"

Kabal nodded.

"Sweet," said Kira.

"I'm not particularly proud but..."

"You said it yourself: Lies, deceipt, betrayal...It's the Black Dragon way! Plus I didn't like that guy. He smelled like a corpse."

"I wonder why," joked Kabal. The two laughed.

Kira then looked at Kabal and smiled. She could tell that under his mask, he was smiling too.

"What should I do with this now?" asked Kabal.

"How about we ressurect Kobra?" suggested Kira, "I kinda miss him..."

"Really?"

"Blech! Hell no! I'm just kidding."

"I got it! We'll use the heart to ressurect Kano. He was a much better leader than me. With his guidance, we'll reform the Black Dragon in no time!"

"Sweet. I've never met him. Is he nice?"

"Yeah, I guess. Now, If my hunch is correct, Kano's body should be near the ruins of the Deadly Alliance's old palace. Are you up for another journey?"

"Sure," Kira then threw away her empty cigarette carton.

"And then we can go home," continued Kabal.

"Or better still," began Kira, "We can check out that giant pyramid."

Kabal looked in the distance and saw an enormous pyramid that he didn't notcice before. There was a flaming guy at the top.

"Looks interesting..." said Kabal, "Well, we better get going."

The two began to walk. Suddenly, Kabal stopped.

"What's wrong?" asked Kira.

"How exactly do I work this heart?" asked Kabal.

"I think I heard Havik say you have to consume it."

"Consume? You mean eat it?"

Kira nodded. Kabal sighed.

"Alrighty," said Kabal, "Kira, get the fire going, I'll grab the cooking pot. This ain't gonna be pretty..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, over the hill, Drahmin and Moloch were watching.

"Geez," said Drahmin, "Dragon Kings, ice ninjas, resistances, sponge cakes, giant pyramids with flaming men at the top, and women pulling random stuff out of their thongs? This was one fucked-up adventure!"

"You can say that again," said Moloch.

"I mean, now that Armaggedon is occuring, we can't even go for a walk around the block without encountering some crazy bastard trying to kill us"

"I know," Moloch looked at his watch, "Damn! I gotta go!"

"Where?"

"Home! _Wilson M.D. _is on now, and in tonight's episode, he's finally asking Vanessa out!"

"That show is so fucking boring! Why do I even watch it with you?"

"Because you love me?"

"True..."

The two then began to walk home, hand in hand.

THE END!


End file.
